Cold Hands
by unkeptsecret
Summary: He wants a real Christmas, and she owes him a favor. Besides, not even Kurz deserves to spend the holidays alone. Seasonal Weber/Mao fic. Dedicated to anyone else who is a little low over the holiday season. Rated T for language, some adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

I hesitated outside of Kurz's door, not because I was afraid to go in but because I could already hear his smart ass remarks.

_Why, hello Sergeant Major. I always knew you would come to me in the night with a question burning in your eyes..._

Oddly enough, I really did have a question this time, and this question needed an answer before I could end my stupid-long shift and finally get some sleep. Unfortunately for Kurz's perverted imagination, the question was pedestrian at best. I was sorely tempted to answer it for him and call it a night. I couldn't because Tessa's orders had been specific on the issue.

_Please confirm with everyone in person... _

The damn clever girl knew I would shirk, given the chance.

I pounded on Kurz's door, waited a couple seconds, and then pounded again. I knew he was inside. I had already checked the hanger, the mess hall, the training room, and just about everywhere else on the Tuatha De Danaan. Let me say it right now: submarines aren't big places. It's not like anyone can go missing at a hundred meters underwater unless Mardukas finally followed through on his threat to launch Kurz out of a torpedo bay, and if that had been the case, I would have heard about it. Mardukas promised me a front row view if that spectacle ever came to fruition.

I knocked for a third time on Kurz's door before opening it. Kurz and Sousuke shared the room, but Sousuke spent more of his time in Tokyo than on ship these days. I didn't have to worry about spooking any of the other guys by barging in. Either the room was empty because Kurz had figured out how to breathe underwater or the bastard was ignoring me.

I poked my head inside to discover that neither was the case. Kurz was there alright, but he hadn't heard me banging on his door at all. He sat on the floor with his back against his bunk, a guitar in his lap, and a notebook in front of him. Kurz had named his guitar Marie, and he could play a good song when the mood struck him. On the sub, we weren't allowed to make much noise, so Kurz used one of those mini-amps and a good pair of headphones when he wanted to plug in and play.

The guy was so wholly absorbed in his music that he didn't even sense my approach. The way his eyes bugged out when I flicked his elbow made me laugh.

"Hey. Sorry," he said as he pulled down his earphones. "I didn't hear you."

I flopped on his bunk. It had been a long, trying day, and his pillow was soft. "Dumb ass. Like I hadn't noticed."

His blue eyes got that sexy smirk that made some girls swoon and me gag. "Mmmmm, you're in my bed," he murmured.

I shoved his head away. "Get bent. I'm on official business. I had to spend an hour tracking down your sorry ass."

Kurz scribbled some musical notation that looked like gibberish to me on his notebook before reaching down and clicking off his amp. "Okay, Sis. What's up?"

"Bel wants to know your plans for the big holiday."

"So soon? It's only September," Kurz frowned.

"Yeah, well, it's the TDD-1's turn for the much-desired Big Winter Break this year. The higher-ups want everyone's plans nailed down in advance. You know how travel sucks over Christmas. Someone needs to have a back-up plan to get our asses back to base in case holy hell breaks loose," I explained from my comfy position lying stomach-down on the bunk. Kurz's pillow smelled like aftershave.

Kurz strummed a few chords a little absently. I pulled my hand out from under the pillow and poked him between the shoulder blades. "Earth to Weber. You going to do something during our two weeks' leave or what?"

"Naw. I think I'm going to hang out on base. I heard those chicks from R&D are easy, and they never take a vacation." He gave me that big, flashy smile that told me that he was full of shit.

"C'mon, that's lame!" I countered. "I can't remember the last time we were off for the holidays. You don't have some long lost relative to visit?"

"Nope. Not a one," Kurz fake-grinned back at me. I must have given him a sympathetic look because his face fell. He used putting the guitar back in its hard shell case as an excuse to look away.

I knew his parents were dead, but Kurz had this thing with some sick girl. I'd heard rumors and assumed that he would use the rare reprieve from duty to go visit her, but from the way Kurz was acting, I got the feeling that the romance or whatever was over. Maybe she had finally kicked the bucket. It would certainly explain why I'd seen Kurz on the treadmill, running full speed at the wall, every time I went to the training room in the past month.

I pushed myself up and swung my legs down on the floor, so I could sit up and give Kurz my full attention. Yeah, he drives me crazy, but he's a good friend. Something was up with him, and I felt bad for missing it before now.

"Me and a bunch of the guys are doing the annual Bender in Bangkok. You wanna come with us?" I offered. Unlike Kurz, I had a different problem with leave- too many relatives to see. I usually solved the problem by putting them off for another year and going on vacation with the wild boys instead.

Kurz snorted. "Nothing says Christmas like a subtropical city full of hookers."

I laughed. "You were hoping for snow?"

"Yeah," Kurz agreed to my surprise. "You grew up in New York. Don't you miss the snow and the lights and all that stuff?"

"The bad carols they play in all the stores. The ball-busting cold. The awkward family functions. No, can't say that I do," I said.

"Grinch," Kurz snarked back. "You want to evict some orphans for Advent kicks?"

I tapped Kurz in the knee with the steel-enforced toe of my boot in a mockery of a real kick. "Jerk. If you're so into dreaming of a white Christmas, why don't you go find one instead of hanging out on base like a loser? Last time it snowed on Merida Island was during the Ice Age."

Kurz closed up his notes and stood up to put it back into the line of books on the small, make-shift shelf over his headboard. "You got a point, but tell me this, sweetheart. What's more depressing than spending Christmas alone?"

I sighed. "Okay. You got me. How about paying Sousuke and Kaname a visit?"

"Um, Sis? You know that Christmas Eve is like a big, romantic thing in Japan, right? And it's Kaname's birthday. I'm not crashing their date night."

"Damn, I forgot all about that," I admitted.

Kurz sat down besides me on the bunk and gave me a hopeful look. "I don't suppose that I could talk you into going somewhere with me for the holidays."

A few months before, I would have laughed in Kurz's face or punched him in the ear for daring to suggest such a thing, but there was the not-small matter of my 26th birthday to consider. I don't know what got into me, but I took that birthday hard because it felt like 30 was right around the corner. I mean, there's only so long you can pretend that you are going to stay young and stupid forever. If I want to get really honest with myself, the pictures that arrived with the birthday greetings from my little sister probably didn't help matters either. She sent shots of her kids: my six-month old niece and two-year-old nephew. They were so cute, and I had never even met them. It's not that I want kids, but it got to me that I was still playing war with a bunch of sweaty guys while the world keep going and I got older.

Long story short, I got way too drunk on rot-gut vodka the next time we got a chance to cut loose. When I get really and truly wasted, I tend to get weepy or overly friendly. I don't remember it, but I've been told that I went the way of the latter that night and gave the wrong signals to some Skinhead types. Kurz had to do a little rescuing before I got felt up or in a fight or worse. Bel told me during the nasty chewing out that I got the next day all about how Kurz had taken full responsibility for my fall-down-drunk self. He did an excellent job of watching over me, too. Got me out safe. Got a hotel room. Got me cleaned up and into bed (on my side, so I wouldn't puke in the night and die an ignoble death drowning in my own vomit). All I remember is throwing up on his boots outside that nasty little bar and waking up with a hell of hangover and Kurz asleep in a chair by the door.

Sufficient to say, I owed Kurz. Instead of laughing him off, I gave his crazy plan some thought.

"So you want to go someplace with snow?" I asked.

"Sort of. We got two weeks, so I figured we could find someplace quiet and safe. Nothing shady, so we wouldn't need to worry about stumbling into any trouble. I was thinking about going to the mountains to ski for part of it," he elaborated. "Hot chocolate and fireplaces and twinkle lights on trees. That sort of place."

"It could be fun to see how the other half lives," I admitted. It had been a really long time since I'd been anywhere like what Kurz was describing. There was only one real problem. "Weber, wouldn't it look weird as hell if we went off together alone? I mean, it sounds a little romantic."

Kurz waggled his eyebrows at me. "Afraid you'll finally give in to my charms?"

I gave him a hard shove off the bunk. "Thanks for reminding me why your idea sucks donkey balls."

Kurz chuckled and turned back to me on his knees with his hands balled up under his chin. He gave me those damn puppy-dog eyes. "Please, Melissa? I'll be on my best behavior, I swear."

I thought about my birthday. Kurz didn't try anything when I was drunk out of my mind, and I did owe him. Besides, Bangkok was overdone. Last time I was there, I saw a Japanese businessman buy a ten-year-old boy for the night. It really soured me on the whole city.

"Tell anyone about this, and your ass is grass," I threatened.

Kurz whooped. The smile on his face was genuine, and he looked so honestly happy that I laughed.

"Okay, loser. We need a place for the report that I owe Bel by morning. Where did you have in mind?"

Kurz snagged an atlas from his little bookshelf and spread it open on the bunk. "Okay," he started with the sheer glee of a schoolboy on the first day of summer vacation. "Here's what I was thinking..."

We poured over that damn atlas for nearly two hours. The requirements seemed simple enough. Snow. Celebrates Christmas. Near mountains. Safe. The problem was that both of us carrry around bad memories from too many different countries. Kurz recommended Russia, but I can't take that place after all those wicked fire fights. I wanted Switzerland, but Kurz vetoed any place were people spoke German because it would make him miss his mom. If he hadn't said it so sadly, I would have mocked the hell out of him for it, but what can I say? I'm not a total bitch, even when it comes to Kurz.

"What about here?" Kurz tried and pointed at the map.

I was sprawled out on his bunk again and getting too tired to argue. "Kurz, I said no USA. My family would kill me if they knew that I got back in that States and didn't see them."

"Yeah, but they are all East Coast. This is Oregon. Hell, London would be closer," Kurz reasoned.

I checked out the dot on the map. "Ashland?"

"A guy I worked with back in Basic came from there. He said it's really home-town kind of place."

"I dunno," I said. It seemed small. I would need a place with lots of good bars if I was going to hang out with Kurz for two whole weeks.

"Tell you what, sleepy girl. You tell me how much you are willing to spend, and I'll make it happen. All the annoying details that you hate to plan. I'll take care of it. Trip to remember. All you have to do is say yes," Kurz bargained.

"And you promise not to do anything sick like steal my bras or spy on me in the shower?" I asked.

"I'm offended that you think so little of me."

"Yeah, yeah. I know that you're the one who stole my black thong, so don't play innocent with me, ya creep."

"I swear that wasn't me," Kurz said and tried to look offended.

"Whatever. Just behave, and it's a deal," I yawned. Although Kurz had stolen the panties, I knew that he sold them to one of the guys in engineering for a hefty finder's fee. Tessa had canned the guy soon after, and I had made Kurz buy my drinks for, like, the last six times we had gone out. We were about fair by now.

"Deal," Kurz said.

I recorded the right info on the chart, turned it in the next morning, and didn't think much about the trip until two months later when Kurz handed me a stack of mail order magazines over coffee in the break room. We had been running pretty steady on missions, and everyone on the team had to cover a little more than normal with Sousuke on part-time status. The only thing I had done for the trip was start a countdown on my calendar because all the weeks underwater were making me twitchy.

"I don't know what you like," he said simply.

I flipped open the catalog on the top of the stack and noted where Kurz had dog-eared the pages featuring cute ski jackets or fancy woolen pea coats. The models looked pretty as hell with matching hats and scarfs and white smiles brighter than the fake snow drifts in the background of the staged shots.

"I don't need a coat," I said. "We all have standard-issue parkas, remember?"

"Those things?" Kurz scoffed and gave me a disapproving look. "Babe, the parkas are ugly as fresh shit."

"And who am I trying to impress?" I huffed. I pointed out the numbers below the ski jackets. "Have you seen the prices on these things? It's ridiculous."

"Trust me. You'll feel better in a civilian coat once we get there, and it's my treat." Kurz grinned sheepishly. "Besides, I don't know what else to get you for Christmas."

"No," I said firmly. "And speaking of money, I don't remember giving you my budget."

Kurz put on his best charming face, which I'll admit works on me from time to time. He wasn't put on the cover of TAG magazine because he is hard to look at, and Kurz knows how to turn it up. The problem for Kurz is that I've seen him use that face on every thing in a skirt from personal admins on base to random chicks on the street to Tessa. In the two years he has reported to my team, I have had the chance to build up a bit of immunity, so when I see the Weber Charm coming, I brace myself for the bullshit.

"Oh that. Well, I was thinking that you're being really good to keep me company and all. It wasn't your idea, so I was thinking this one could be on me," he said with all his charm turned up to eleven.

I flipped him off and pushed back from the tiny table.

True to his never-say-die nature, Kurz blasted me with another lady killer grin. "C'mon. It's a sweet deal for you, and I would like you to be my guest."

I didn't answer with words; I just stomped off to my next meeting before he could try to feed me another one of his bogus lines. As I expected, Kurz was waiting for me outside the door when the meeting let out two hours later, but I was still fuming.

"Hey," he tried to sound nonchalant as he fell into step beside me.

"No deal," I said curtly.

His jaw fell. "What?"

"I said no!" I nearly shouted, and some of the guys perked up and started taking an interest in our conversation. I rolled my eyes. Just what I needed. Another juicy tidbit for the rumor mill. Honestly, people get so nosy on submarines.

"I'm not approving another alteration to your M-9's stabilization struts," I said too loudly on purpose. "You want to take this higher up, go for it."

Kurz picked up on my cue and played along. "Fine by me, sister. Lead the way."

I did, and we ended up back at his room because it was one of the few places that we didn't run the risk of being overheard. As soon as the door closed, I turned on him.

"I'm damn sure not going to play the part of your little woman in some Santa-themed porno!" I hissed.

Kurz's eyes flashed with anger. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I agreed to go because we're friends, asshole. Friends spot each other beers, not two-week holidays!"

"Are you hitting the bitch-crack again? Check back into rehab, babe. I was trying to be _nice_," Kurz complained.

"Screw your _nice_," I yelled. "I trust your nice like I'd trust a Thai pimp with my grandma."

"Fuck you," Kurz yelled back. "When have I ever taken advantage of you, huh? When?"

"Never. Because I don't give you the chance!"

Kurz marched over to the door and yanked it open. He face had gone all red, and it really showed on him because he is so fair-skinned. "Get out."

I pushed out a long breath and sat down on his bunk instead. He got me rattled with the 'be my guest' thing, but it wasn't worth risking a friendship. I like to finish fights, not run away from them.

"Okay, you're right. I'm probably taking this too far. I'm sorry, okay?" I started.

"I am not trying to buy you. How scummy do you think I am?" Kurz shook his head but closed the door again.

"You've done some pretty sleazy things," I maintained.

"You remember when you tried to do 26 shots for your 26th birthday and I had to stomp some punk in the face to keep him from sticking his hands down your pants?" Kurz asked suddenly.

"Honestly, I don't," I replied hotly. "Bel told me all about how I fucked up the next day though, so I really don't think I need another lecture from you."

"You came on to me that night," Kurz said.

"Liar," I shot back.

"You said that you always liked the way I looked in an AS suit," Kurz continued.

"Shit," I said under my breath. In the rare moment I found Kurz attractive was when he was in one of those skin-molding suits, but I had never told that to anyone EVER.

"You tried to get me into bed. Begged for it. If I was half the prick that seem to think that I am, I would have taken advantage of you back then, and I wouldn't need to buy my way into your pants now, as you seem to think I'm low enough to try to do," Kurz finished.

I took a moment to process Kurz's story, and as much as I hate being wrong, I'm not too stubborn to admit when I have made a mistake. It stood to reason that if I got wasted enough to hit on some punk-ass losers in a dive bar then I would probably be drunk enough to make a pass at Kurz. Plus, he had me nailed about the AS suit thing.

"Okay," I said. "I'm the jerk here. Can you please just let me pay my way and be done with it? I mean, the fact that we're having this fight is proof that I need a break, right?"

"Look, if you're not comfortable going with me then we can call it off," Kurz offered.

"Naw, I'm just being paranoid," I shrugged. "Plus, it sounds like I should probably keep you around to watch out for me. I can't believe I got that drunk."

"You were pretty blasted. I didn't want to bring it up before, but..." Kurz trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. "You don't owe me anything. I'm in a weird place right now, and I'm asking a lot of you."

"I said I would go, idiot. I just want to pay for myself," I explained.

"I know, and that was the idea. But I've been working on a plan, and what I want to do isn't cheap," Kurz said. He reached under his bunk and pulled out a file folder filled with brochures and print outs from websites. "I thought it would be easier to just pay for it all myself than ask you to go dutch on my big ideas."

"Will you let me be the judge of that? Geez, you act like I get lots of chances to spend my hard-earned combat pay," I said and reached for the file. "Now show me the holly-jolly Christmas to remember."

I know that as a female AS pilot that I should be less prone to stereotypes than most, but I really didn't expect a guy, let alone Kurz, to put so much effort into researching a simple vacation. He had all of this stuff: rankings of hotels from travel companies, maps, car rental coupons, you name it. In the end, the price was higher than I expected, but looking over all of the details got me excited about the trip. Suddenly, it wasn't just a break from the ordinary. I had the chance to play around in an honest-to-God winter wonderland.

"So what do you think?" Kurz asked when he handed over the spreadsheet with cost breakdown.

"I'm sold. Let's do this," I said.

"Yes! Can I buy you a coat as a present? Let's be honest. It's about the least romantic thing I could buy for you. Say no and I replace those undies you claim that I stole and throw in a lacy top to match."

"Fine," I sighed. "What can I get for you? I need an idea."

Kurz winked at me. "I like surprises."

* * *

The worst part of the trip to Ashland was the endless plane rides. The TDD-1 dropped us off in Guam. From there, Kurz and I caught a flight to Honolulu. After that we took another plane to Los Angeles, suffered a three-hour lay-over, and finally flew into Medford, Oregon. We had agreed not to splurge on first class tickets, so sleeping was not really an option. I caught only a few hours resting on Kurz's shoulder and woke up with a nasty crick in my neck. There was a pay-by-the-minute chair massage service in LAX that seriously saved my good spirits.

I always get antsy on long flights. I'm not much of a reader, and most magazines are so vapid that I want to castrate the writers to keep them out of the gene pool. The airlines showed holiday movies along with the expected Hollywood cast-offs during the flights, so that killed some time. Kurz packed a portable DVD-player and a headset splitter, and we watched some old Westerns in the downtime and during the lay-overs. I tried my hand at sudoku, but it's not my bag either. My thing is more along the lines of drinking, and the best part of the trip was Kurz's amazing ability to charm the air hostesses. Good looks are a universal language, apparently. We got tons of free cocktails, and the first class food options. Of course, I wouldn't have minded the normal food. Airline meals are nothing to complain about when you are accustomed to MREs.

By the time we touched down in Medford, we had been on the move for almost a full day, and I was bone-tired.

"I sincerely hope that you're driving," I told Kurz as we stood around waiting for the rental car. We had opted for a four-wheel drive SUV in case of inclement weather.

"You're the one who learned to drive in the States," he reasoned.

I pulled my new coat's collar up to my ears. We were still inside, but the sliding doors to the parking loop kept opening and letting in freezing gusts of winter air. "Fine, but if you get us lost, I'm leaving you by the side of the road."

"Umm, sure," Kurz mumbled. He drooped down against the high counter of the rental place. "I can't wait for a real bed."

I nodded and accepted the keys proffered by the girl behind the counter.

"It's parked in space B4," she said with a cheery smile. "Have fun, you two!"

"Thanks," I grumbled and flipped up my hood in preparation to brave the cold outside. The coat had a thick liner and a faux fur collar, and I rather liked it. Kurz had done well. I enjoyed it so much that I ordered a couple more cold weather clothes and had them shipped directly to the hotel. My duffel bag was rather light as a result, but Kurz looked like he had packed the world. On top of it, he insisted on bringing his guitar.

"Why?" I had argued with him back on the sub. "It's just going to break when you check it."

"It's my vacation. I'll do what I want," he sniffed, so I let it drop.

The wind stung my eyes as I ducked out of the airport building and looked up to follow the signs to the rental car parking lot. Luckily, it wasn't a far walk.

"Hey, Kurz, did you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"That it's cold as fuck, but there's no snow," I said.

"Give it time," he replied, none too worried.

The lack of snow really got to me. I had pictured big, fluffy drifts of powder-white snow everywhere. I was all geared up for icicles and sleigh rides and salted sidewalks. Instead, I got a bright blue dome of sky, a steely wind, and fields of brown grass. Beyond my disappointment, I was too tired to register much else except that it wasn't a long drive to Ashland from Medford, that the hotel looked nice, and that the down pillows were very, very soft and warm. I peeled off my traveling clothes and fell asleep in my cotton panties and tank top.

I woke up with a dry mouth in the black heart of night. Plane travel has a way of drying me out, so I rolled out of bed and felt my way to the bathroom in the dark. I found the light switch after a bit of groping and pulled the door to the bathroom part way closed for Kurz's sake. I could hear his even breathing as he slept. Five of those tiny hotel glasses of cold tap water restored me a bit. I put on one of the terry cloth bathrooms that the hotel provided to combat the cold and dug out my toiletry kit from my bag to brush my teeth.

I didn't need to look at the clock to know that it was fuck-all early. I had fallen asleep just after 6 p.m. local time, and I'm too old to stay down for more than ten hours at a time. I thought about watching some TV, but it seemed mean to disturb Kurz. He was just out of his teens and could still hibernate on command. He had sprawled out on his side of the king-sized bed with a pillow tucked under one arm like a teddy bear. Really, it was so cute that I could have taken a picture.

I know it would seem odd to people that we got a room with one bed instead of two, but we opted for a mini-suite with a full couch and big TV area instead of paying for a room with a set of double beds. I mean, I was already spending two weeks with the guy, so whether or not we shared a bed really didn't make much of a difference to me. If it got too weird, I figured that I would make Kurz sleep on the couch.

I dragged my duffel into the bathroom and changed into street clothes. The jeans and sweater looked weird with my combat boots, and then I remembered that I ordered snow boots from some preppy catalog. The front desk had agreed to hold my packages for me, so I decided to have an early Christmas all of my own. I grabbed my coat because it had my wallet- I had picked up some American dollars on our lay-over in Hawaii- and dumped out the contents of my duffel by the couch before heading downstairs.

The lobby of the Ashland Springs Hotel looked someone ripped it from the pages of a history book on the Gilded Age of the 1920's. The walls and furniture exude the honey-warm grandeur of wealth topped off with massive dangling light fixtures that diffused a yellow glow from the marble floors to the soaring, cathedral ceiling.

At just past 4 am, only one attendant behind the front desk populated the lobby, and she gave me a smile as warm as the light from the chandlers.

"You're an early riser," she said.

I walked up and rested my elbows on the desk. "Not where I'm from."

"Is that so?" she chuckled. The name on her tag read Dolores, and she was pretty in that twice-divorced-survivor sort of way. "Well, I'm afraid that there isn't much to do so early on Wednesday. The coffee shop down the street doesn't open until 6 am."

"That's okay." I waved a dismissive hand. "I just came by to pick up come packages that I had sent here."

She moved to the computer and typed in a few keystrokes. "Name?"

"Mao. Melissa."

"Hmmm," she fretted as she clicked through the system. "Gimme a minute to get it from the back, okay sweetie?"

I guess that I had ordered more than I thought because Dolores rolled out this impressive stack of boxes on one of those fancy hotel luggage carts. She grinned at my shocked expression.

"You got a rich boyfriend or something?" Dolores teased.

"Hell no! A girl's gotta do for herself!" I said.

Dolores tapped the brand name on what I sincerely hoped was the box that had my snow boots. "You got my kind of taste, girl."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I dead-panned and pointed to my scuffed combat boots.

Dolores laughed. "You smoke?" she asked suddenly.

"All the time."

"Tell you what. You keep me company until something opens up in this town, and I'll spot you smokes and fashion advice. What do you say?"

By the time 6 am rolled around, Dolores had made me try on all of my new clothes, helped me put them into outfits, and jotted down the names of several stores in Ashland that I "had to buy" from. She smoked these terrible, thin menthol cigarettes, but she was generous with them. I tried to tip her for helping me with the boxes, offering the fashion advice, and disposing of all the packing materials so I could jam my new things into my duffel, but Dolores flat out refused.

"You remind my of my daughter," she explained.

"You had yellow fever in a past life?" I teased. Dolores was as white as Kurz, and I'm pretty damn Chinese.

Dolores laughed, something she did often. "It's the attitude, child. My girl's stationed in Germany right now."

Dolores agreed to hold my bag while I dashed up the road for some coffee and breakfast breads. I opted to be nice and bought some for Kurz as well. By the time I got back to the hotel, Dolores's shift had ended, and she had pulled on her outer coat and gloves. She handed me back my bag and waved a goodbye while the new front desk clerk eyed us warily.

The shower was going full-blast when I got back to the room, and Kurz's stuff was everywhere.

"Pig," I muttered. I stuffed most of my things into the empty drawers in the chest by the TV and hung up anything bulky or fancy in the closet on the plush hangers provided by the hotel. I hid the slinky black dress that I used in Sicily in the back. Chances were that I wouldn't have a reason to wear it, but I hadn't given up the hopes of snagging a decent man to help me pass the time while on vacation. I toed Kurz's stuff onto his side of the bed. He came out of the bathroom with towel around his waist and nothing else while I was settling onto the couch to enjoy my pumpkin bread and black coffee.

"Geez, Kurz. Modesty is a virtue or whatever," I complained and kept my eyes on the lame cartoons on TV. He stared at me for a second before moving to gather his clothes.

"Damn, woman. You look like a real girl in those clothes," he commented. "Where did you get them?"

"Your catalogs. I brought you coffee." I did feel great in the clothes. Dolores had matched up a chunky-knit purple sweater dress over black tights with the new knee-high red snow boots. It wasn't really my style, but then again, my style was fatigues. Dolores said that I need a pretty necklace to go with it and wrote down the name of some boutique that I was supposed to visit.

"Hmm," Kurz murmured his thanks and accepted the paper cup before ducking back into the bathroom to change. He came out in dark jeans and a blue zip-up sweater over a white undershirt.

"What did you do? Buy the entire outfit straight off the model?" I teased.

"Like you can talk," he shot back and dropped down on the couch next to me. "Listen, I was thinking that we should set up some ground rules."

I sipped on my coffee. "Yeah? Like what?"

"We probably shouldn't get drunk together for starters," Kurz said.

"Fair enough. We can take turns," I agreed.

"Right. Also, you don't have to stick with me the whole time. I figure that if we want to do our own thing, that's cool. Maybe we can leave a note or check in every 24 hours or something," he said.

"I got one, too. No bringing other people back to the room. If you want to knock boots with some snow bunny, go for it, but not here."

"Oh yeah," Kurz said with this dreamy look like he was already banging some leggy blonde in his head. "That's a good one."

I shoved another piece of bread into my mouth to avoid saying something snarky.

"You want to ski today?" Kurz asked suddenly. I knew I shouldn't have started his one-track mind going on snow bunnies.

"There's no snow," I said pointedly.

"There's some on the mountain."

I shook my head. "I need to do Christmas shopping for my family before I do anything else."

I usually send my mom and grandmothers flowers, mail cards to everyone else, and just buy presents for the kids, but my family had a bumper crop of kids in the years since I had joined Mithril. In all, I needed to buy toys for six nieces, four nephews, and a god daughter, all ranging in age from eight to six-months.

Kurz was frowning into his coffee cup, so I said, "You want to keep me company?"

It was one thing to avoid your crazy family for the holidays and another to lack the option. Also, I hadn't figured out what to get Kurz yet and hoped that he might drop some helpful hints while we were out shopping.

Kurz's face brightened. "Sure! If you don't mind. Can we get some breakfast first?"

"Kurz, what do you call what's in your hand?"

"This?" Kurz asked, holding up his paper cup of coffee and cheese-filled danish. "This is a snack! I want _breakfast_."

I hate boys and their stupid fast metabolisms sometimes.

We ate (specifically, Kurz ate and I drank orange juice) at the hotel restaurant and then hit Main Street. Yes, Ashland is so goddamn American that the thoroughfare through town is actually called Main Street. Little shops lined the street up and down, and the only problem with shopping was that we were out really early by shop standards. We must have walked the rows of stores five times before they all opened. One of the last to unlock its doors was a delightful toy store. It had a model train running around a track build just below the crown molding with tunnels and little fake trees lining its route. With eleven kids to buy for, I felt like I had died and gone to shopper's heaven. Kurz just looked like he had skipped the dying part and headed straight to paradise. Honestly, he got so excited about the Lego sets that I wanted to hide behind the rack of puppets and pretend that I had never seen that crazy German before in my whole frigging life. No other customers were in the store, and the shop keeper, a little old man with wire-rimmed glasses, had seen us come in together, so it was a moot point.

The old guy helped me pick things that were age appropriate for the kiddies. I mean, how was I supposed to know what kids like these days? Who decided that EZ bake ovens are bad for three-year-olds? The shop keeper was so sweet that he helped Kurz and I hauled all the stuff to the UPS store, so I could mail the presents out in time to arrive by Christmas. Of course, I spent so much in his store that I probably single-handedly keep the old guy in business for another season. I tried to buy the Legos for Kurz, but the jerk beat me to it.

Buying stuff after months of saving up your pay can be addicting, and I got suckered in by the pretty displays of this little gem shop. Someone told me once that pearls meant tears, so I bought my mother a necklace made of twisted strands of pink pearls for the buckets of tears she has cried over me and my reckless life. The girl behind the counter helped me pick out earrings for my grandmothers, and Kurz went back to the UPS store with me to ship them out as well. The guy at the mailing center remembered us and recommended a little cafe called Pilaf for lunch. The food there was decent. Kurz pouted that whole time because the UPS guy had failed to mention that it was a vegetarian place.

After lunch, we hit the boutiques on my list from Dolores. I thought that Kurz would ditch my ass for going to all these hyper-girly stores, but he chatted up the shop girls in each and every one while I tried on all of this ridiculous shit for giggles. The frillier and the pinker, the better. Kurz laughed his ass off when I flounced out the dressing rooms in these crazy get-ups while the shop girls exchanged baffled looks.

"I think it's cute," one would whine.

We were laughing like hyenas about this rosebud dress that was totally impractical for summer in most parts of the world, let alone winter, when we noticed that one of the girls was wearing that very dress. Kurz and I beat it out of that store fast.

I wasn't really buying much by then, but the shops didn't care much. They seemed accustomed to tourists. I dragged Kurz into stores with more mannish stuff, too, hoping that he would pick out something and put me out of my Christmas-gift-buying misery. He didn't.

In the last store, I tried on this wildly expensive cocktail dress on a whim. The satin fabric felt cool against my skin, and I did a wiggle-dance in the changing room to get it to zip all the way up. I thought it would be a hoot because the slutty thing was tight, short, low-cut, and held up by the magic of boning and the female anatomy. Despite the jaw-dropping number of zeroes on the price tag, I thought it looked like something a Times Square hooker would wear. I expected Kurz to bust out laughing when I finally emerged, but he gave me a heated look that made my heart stop.

"Wow," he breathed.

A shop girl peeped out from behind the register. "Ooo! You look seriously hot!" she squealed.

"What? Like seriously?" I questioned. Maybe they were trying to pull one over on me. Wearing that dress should have been like branding 'slut' on my ass.

The girl grabbed my hand and shoved me in front of a full length mirror.

"The color is perfect on you, and you couldn't ask for a better fit. It was like you had it tailored," she gushed.

I stood there like an idiot staring at myself. I didn't even look like me. My reflection was all legs, perky tits, and rounded ass. The girl bustled back with a pair of heels in her hand.

"Try these," she insisted. Dumbly, I used her as a brace to steady myself as I slipped on the stripper shoes. Seriously, they were higher than kites and made out of clear plastic with glittery snowflakes suspended in the elevated sole and enormous heels.

"You look totally sex-able," the girl beamed at me.

I stared at my reflection for a minute. The heels made me wobbly, but the tightness of the dress forced my back straight and out of my accustomed slouch. My mother would have been so proud of that. Against all logic, I looked kind of high class.

I caught Kurz's eye in the mirror, and he looked damn impressed. He was hanging out behind my right shoulder with his hands in his overcoat pockets. He wasn't laughing his ass off like I had expected, but he did have this odd grin on his face. I smiled despite myself, and something changed in his eyes. I felt this heat wash over me, and it wasn't all sexiness and Oo-la-la. His look had this edge of hurt in it. I felt it in the hollow of my chest. Then Kurz was pushing his way out the store and ditching me in that crazy dress. I watched him go, and the hollowness in me throbbed.

"You totally need to buy it," the shop girl was saying. "I would kill to make my boyfriend that into me."

"No," I said firmly. Suddenly, I really wanted to be back in my street clothes.

Outside, I did a quick scan of the street and couldn't see Kurz anywhere. Shopping had lost its fun, so I went back to the hotel for a nap. I needed a few hours to not think about how I felt when Kurz looked at me like that. Also, I started regretting the king bed idea.

I woke up about four hours later and felt much better. An extra sleep cycle always perks me up, even though I would pay for it later when I wouldn't be able to sleep until some god awful hour. The maids had been by to clean up Kurz's sloppiness while we had been out shopping, and I enjoyed the steam and orange-scented shampoo for at least six times the length of a regulation shower back on the TDD-1.

For the looks of the room, Kurz hadn't been back yet, and I told myself that it wasn't my problem. After pulling on my clothes, running a comb through my wet hair, and smearing some balm on my dry lips, I gave myself a once over in the bathroom mirror. It was just me. Same pointed chin. Same skinny arms. Nothing special. Nothing at all that would make Kurz look at me like I was going to be the death of him. I took a deep breath and decided that I really needed a drink.

Unlike that morning with Dolores, people filled the Ashland Springs Hotel lobby in the evening. I maneuvered through the crowd toward the bar. I had already picked out my poison of choice- an irish coffee- when someone snagged my wrist.

"Hey beautiful. I've been looking for you," Kurz said a little too loudly. He was sitting on an easy chair and ringed by, I kid you not, three double-process blondes. The woman all turned to glare at me through heavy eye-liner and fake tans.

Kurz's eyes pleaded _Save me. _

I started to shake my head. Kurz could deal with his own lady problems, but then one of the blondes leaned in to whisper something to the one in the middle. Both of them turned to me and positively sneered.

_Fuck these bitches_, I thought. I went along with Kurz when he pulled me into his lap.

"You about ready for dinner, babe?" he asked and pressed a kiss into my shoulder.

"Sure. Can I get a drink first?" I asked. The trio of blondes stared at me with pure hatred. I couldn't say that I didn't feel the same right back at them.

"Good luck flagging down a server. I've been trying to pay out for the past twenty minutes," Kurz said. I spotted the cocktail hostess in the throng of people. She looked right at us and then went to another table. One of the blondes smiled to herself. I wanted to choke her.

First off, I hate stupid games. Paying off the hostess to help you corner some guy is low. Second, this broad had to be at least 40. All of them were old enough to be Kurz's mom. I don't have a problem with the cougar-type, per se, but triple-teaming a 20-year-old ain't cool at all. Kurz looked like he was totally uncomfortable, and he held onto me like I was the last bullet for his WA-2000.

"Hey, why don't you close your tab at the bar so we can get out of here? You promised to take me someplace nice," I said with a hint of whine for dramatic effect. Kurz nodded happily. I pried his hands off my waist and stood up to let him escape. The blondes had done a great job blocking him in, so he practically had to pole-vault his way out of their circle. They watched his ass the whole. No shame whatsoever. I settled into the chair and tried to take up a lot of space.

"Am I lucky or what?" I bragged. "He's just the cutest, don't you think?"

"How long have you been together?" the blonde on my left asked. She was sizing me up that way a thief cases a jewel store.

I smiled wickedly. "Oh, it feels like forever. He keeps begging me to marry him. But I think he's so _young_ for that sort of thing."

Kurz had succeed in tracking down the hostess and shoved some bills at her. She smiled sheepishly. If I had to guess, the blonde harpies had quite a scheme going here, but try as I might, I couldn't blame the poor waitress. If I had to sling drinks in a black mini-skirt all night, I would throw some poor lamb like Kurzie to the slaughter for an extra $20, too.

Kurz waved to me, and I hopped up.

"Excuse me," I told the blondes. I tried to step on all their feet as I made my escape. Kurz was laughing by the time I got over to him.

"Damn, where did you find those skanks?" I asked.

Kurz slung an arm around my shoulders. "They found me. The bartender asked for my ID. Can you believe it? And once that guy announced that I was underage, those three descended on me."

I hit the elevator button to get upstairs. There was no way in hell that I was going outside with my coat.

"Why didn't you ditch them right off?" I asked.

"They got the server girl to bring me a pilsner," Kurz shrugged. "I was trying to be nice."

As soon as the elevator door closed, Kurz politely backed off without any shoving on my part. We didn't need to put on a show for an empty room.

"I need a drink," I complained.

"Me, too," Kurz agreed. He tipped his head to consider me. "You want to get blasted or can I take my turn?"

I shook my head. After dealing with all the humiliating stories from my last binge, I honestly didn't want to hit it that hard on this trip. "It's all yours."

We stooped by an Italian place for dinner and split a bottle of red wine, and despite my epic afternoon nap, I felt pretty damn sleepy after all that bread and pasta. Kurz seemed a little shaken by his encounter with the cougars, so he didn't go out to hit up the bars alone. Instead, we watched _White Christmas _on TV before I crashed out early. Kurz was playing that sad blues number on Marie as I closed my eyes.

I woke up when Kurz put a cool hand on my forehead. The room was already bright with daytime light when I opened my eyes, and Kurz had on his overcoat. Two cups of coffee rested on my night stand.

"You okay, Sis?" Kurz asked. "You've been asleep forever."

My throat felt raw, and I coughed up something thick as soon as I raised my head. "No," I croaked.

I fell back on the pillow and groaned. Just my luck to get sick as a dog on vacation. The bed rocked as Kurz said down on the edge near my knees.

"You're burning up," he said. "You want me to pick up some meds for you?"

"Yeah," I got out.

Kurz reached out and pushed my bangs out of my face. His fingers felt wonderfully cold. "I'm not good with this stuff. Tell me what to do," he said in a low voice.

"See if you can get me some azithromycin from the pharmacy," I rasped. "Ask at the front desk for directions there."

"Right," he said. "Anything else?"

"Water."

Kurz filled a glass with tap water for me before he left. I chugged it. When he came back, I had transferred to the couch with half the pillows from the bed and the entire comforter.

"Bad news, babe," Kurz said as he sat on the coffee table. "They don't let you get a Z-pack in the US without a prescription. The pharmacist recommended some stuff, but I couldn't get you any antibiotics."

"You suck," I muttered from under the blankets.

"Yes, it's true," Kurz sighed. He fished around in the plastic bag and handed me a Gatorade followed by a series of pills, which I dutifully swallowed.

"Thanks," I coughed.

"You look really bad," Kurz said. He lined up the bottles of pills by the TV. "Do you want me to stick around with you today?"

"Nope. You go have fun," I waved him off.

"You sure?"

"You want me to cough on you all day?"

Kurz laughed. "Point. I think I'll hit the slopes, but I'll bring my cell. Call if you need me."

"Yeah, sure," I agreed and snuggled back down in the blankets.

Kurz changed clothes again somewhere near the bed, but I was too sick to bother with specifics. The last thing he did before leaving was lean down and tussle my hair.

"Don't go anywhere," he teased.

I glared at him. "Don't tempt me to borrow your toothbrush."

After he left, I drifted in and out of sleep all day and into the evening, waking up only long enough to take the odd pill and drink something before napping again. Kurz must have set out the 'Do Not Disturb' sign because the maids didn't even come by to bother me. I got to feeling a little better by nightfall when Kurz returned smelling of fresh air and carrying take-out.

"For you," he said and handed over a couple tubs of soups. I pried open the lids to find one of each type of standard Chinese soup: hot and sour, egg drop, and miso.

"I didn't know what you wanted," Kurz explained.

"All of them. I haven't eaten," I said and sipped the miso straight from the container. It wasn't as good as my mom's, but the salt tasted great. "How was skiing?"

"Man! It was a good time! The slopes here are really fun. Not as many runs as I would like, but it's not bad," Kurz explained. He popped open a package of General Tso's chicken and dug in with the cheap wooden chopsticks.

"I hate you," I grumbled. "I watched Food Network all day."

"Poor baby," Kurz chuckled. He tapped my shoulder. "Move."

I shifted over to make room for Kurz to join me on the couch. The scent of campfire and snow came with him. I could smell it even with a stuffed nose.

"I feel bad about ditching you," Kurz said between bites. "Think you'll feel better tomorrow?"

"God, I hope so," I complained. "You shouldn't feel bad, though. I'd ditch you in a heartbeat."

Kurz snorted with laughter. "I'll bet you would."

After the food, I did feel a little better. Kurz stayed in with me again, and we watched _It's A Wonderful Life_ from the couch. I stuffed a pillow in Kurz's lap for my head, so I could lay across the rest of the couch. He didn't seem to mind.

"Hey, babe?" he said as the credits rolled on TV.

"Don't call me babe," I mumbled. I was getting sleepy again.

"Thanks for being here with me."

I cracked one eye to look at him. So far, all I had done on the trip was spend about a million hours on planes, drag him to a bunch of shops, and sneeze on the couch. "You're crazy," I concluded and closed my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," Kurz sighed. He shifted me up and slipped out from under my pillow so that he could stand up. "I'm moving you to the bed, okay?"

"I'm fine here," I protested as Kurz picked me up from the couch. I like to pretend that I can push him around, but Kurz is a big guy, about six feet tall and pretty damn strong. He had no problem carrying my sick self across the room.

"You can't hog the blanket," Kurz reasoned. "I'll get cold."

Kurz laid me out really gently on the bed, and I didn't have to do anything but fall back asleep. Some time later he turned off the lights, and I felt him crawl into the far side of the bed. He was gone by the time I woke up the next day.

I killed another day on the couch, and I felt the recovery creep in bit by bit. A long, hot-as-I-could-take-it bath helped. So did phoning for room service. I even managed to drag my sorry ass to the lobby long enough to let the maids clean up the room. Kurz came back around dinner time with more take-out: chicken noodle soup and fresh biscuits from a cafe down the road for me and chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes for him.

"You are a wonderful, wonderful human being," I said after my first bite of the buttery biscuits.

"You eat today?" he asked. Kurz had set up his meal on the coffee table and was sitting cross-legged on the floor to eat.

"I got a sandwich from room service. Wasn't that good." The sandwich sounded fancy on the in-room menu, but it turned out to be about as good as the slapped-together boxed lunches we get during training on base. The soup, on the other hand, tasted like someone made it with a lot of love.

"You look better," Kurz noted.

I had to chew through the half biscuit that I'd stuffed in my mouth before I could answer. "I feel better."

"I bought some playing cards. If you're up for it, maybe we can hang out downstairs tonight. I'm thinking you're probably about to OD on television," Kurz offered. He was pushing around his food, and I was sorely tempted to swipe it from him. His portion smelled delicious.

"Yeah," I sighed. "But you don't have to stick around the hotel on my account. I can entertain myself just fine."

Kurz squirmed around on the floor and stared into his hot coffee. "I'd rather be with you, okay?"

"Sure," I said. Something was off with Kurz. He looked downright depressed, so I nudged him with my foot. "What's up with you?"

Kurz shot me one of his big, fake grins. "You worried about me?"

I gave him a hard look. "Yeah," I said seriously. "You want to talk?"

Kurz pushed away from the coffee table and stood up to deposit his entire dinner in the trash can by the door. "With you? I don't think so, Sis."

I got mad at that. It was probably more about the wasted food than Kurz's comment. "What the hell? This is turning into the worst vacation ever. I'm sick, and you're depressed. Woo freakin' hoo."

Kurz sank down on the bed. "Yep. No argument from me."

"Screw this. I wanna have some damn fun," I said and threw off the comforter. I was in my skivvies, and Kurz got this dopey look on his face.

"You are so fucking hot," he drooled.

"Shut up and help me find my boots. I'm sick of being sick, and you know what kills germs? _Gin_." I pulled on some jeans and the nearest sweater. I'm pretty sure that Kurz didn't think to move until I was fully clothed, but he did redeem himself by finding my left boot under the bed.

The hotel bar was thankfully clear for cougars, and despite being a Saturday night, we grabbed two stools right away.

The bartender smiled at me. "What can I start for you?" he asked.

"I'm sick, and he's in a bad way. Can you think of something?" I asked.

The guy flat-out grinned. "My kind of girl. Where did you find her?" he asked Kurz, who shrugged his reply.

"We're in the service together," I told the barkeep. It would be much better if the guy didn't decide to card Kurz, and if I remembered the code from my days in the Marines, most places didn't like to turn away soldiers.

"Nice. I'll make 'em strong then," the guy said and turned to his craft.

I turned to Kurz and thumped him on the shoulder. "Cheer up. Right now."

"Whatever you say, Sis," he shrugged again.

"I'm serious! We're here to live it up, and we shouldn't have a care in the whole blasted world."

"Yeah?" Kurz challenged. "How do you figure that?"

The barkeep presented us with our drinks. "If I may butt in..." He turned to Kurz. "If I looked like you, I would be too busy taking my pick of the ladies to worry about, well, anything. I don't know how you keep your hands off him myself," he said to me. "I mean, I'm pretty straight, but _damn_."

He winked at me and got a laugh out of Kurz. The barkeep gestured to the glasses before us. "Hot Toddy, just like grandma used to make for the lady. It'll cure what ails ya. And my favorite 'the world just fucked me, so I'm fucking it back' drink: the Rusty Nail."

I sipped down the Hot Toddy and, I kid you not, felt better on the spot.

"You are goddamn magic, my friend," I told the barkeep.

He did a little bow. "I aim to please. I'm Dex, by the way."

"I'm Melissa." I jerked a thumb at the German on my right. "That's Kurz."

"Well met," said Dex.

Kurz gulped down half his drink. "Not bad," he judged.

"Glad to hear it." Dex leaned on the bar and whispered to Kurz. "Just between us, you may want to avoid this place between, say, four and seven. You look the the Dirty Blondes' type."

I thought back to those shameless, platinum harpies who had cornered Kurz and started laughing. "Too late, Dex. I had to play the part of this one's girlfriend while he made his escape two days ago."

Dex shook his head. "They are good customers so I'm probably going to Service Hell for saying this, but I hate those crazy women. You know that they are all married?"

"No shit!" I gulped down another big swig of my drink. Kurz had already finished his, and Dex snapped up the glass and fixed another.

"Try to nurse this one a little, ace. It's good stuff when you take the time to taste it," Dex warned as he pushed the fresh drink in front of Kurz. Out of spite, Kurz slammed it back.

"You see what I gotta put up with?" I grumbled to Dex.

Dex gave Kurz a warning look, and Kurz pulled this innocent, sad face that got us all laughing again.

"Alright, kid. Here's another for you. Do with it what you will," Dex conceded. He leaned over to me and tipped his head to Kurz. "What's his sad story?"

"You got me," I said. "He went skiing today while I was laid up and came back all gloomy."

"Thanks a lot, Melissa," Kurz pouted.

"Is he always like this?" Dex asked me with one eyebrow raised.

The Hot Toddy had me feeling all warm and relaxed, and I had a feeling that I knew where Dex was going. "Not even close. Kurz is one of those damn happy-go-lucky types that makes me want to smack him in the morning. I can't think of a single person who doesn't get along with him, except this one officer but he suffers from stick-up-the-buttness like no one's business."

"No kidding," Dex mused. "How did you met?"

"I scouted him out of Basic. He tried to grab my tits, and I still offered him a place on the squad 'cause he's that good."

"Wait, you're his CO?" Dex looked perplexed.

"Hell yeah! He's done me proud more than most, too." I snuck a look a Kurz, and he was watching me with one elbow propped on the bar to hold up his head.

"That good, huh?" Dex asked.

"She's exaggerating. I just do my job," Kurz chimed in. "Sis is a great officer. She brings out the best in us."

"Sis?" Dex looked from my face to Kurz's. "I'm not seeing the relation," he dead-panned.

It was a terrible joke, but I laughed anyway. "No relation," I said.

"Yeah, I call her 'Sis' because she threatened to kick my ass if I didn't stop calling her 'babe' all the time," Kurz explained.

"I get you. But why 'Sis'? What's wrong with 'ma'am' or 'bad mama jama'?" Dex reasoned.

"Because she's always watching out for us," Kurz went on. "Like we're family."

I raised my glass to Kurz, and he clinked his high ball against my mug.

"That's sweet, and I'm diabetic. Knock it off," said Dex. "So you guys here for the holidays together?"

"Yep," I said. "No where else I'd rather be either."

Dex's little talky trick cheered Kurz up enough to make him socialable. We stayed at the bar chatting with Dex for another hour or so until I started drifting off.

"You better take her home," Dex told Kurz when I nearly fell asleep into the bend of my own elbow. Dex slid the bill across the bar.

"I think you're right," Kurz agreed. He finished off the last of his amber-colored drink and reached into his wallet to pay out. I let Kurz take care of it because I had left my coat and the wallet inside it upstairs.

When he finished up, Kurz took me by the elbow and helped me off the stool.

"Thanks, Dex," he said.

"Yeah. Thanks," I echoed.

"Come see me tomorrow, kids." Dex dismissed us with a wave and went back to washing glasses behind the bar.

"How are you holding up?" Kurz asked as he maneuvered me to the elevator.

"Better and better," I said.

"Me, too." A bell dinged to signal that our lift had arrived. Kurz let me lean on the wall while he hit the right button for our floor. "Hey, can I show you something when we get back to the room?"

"As long as it's not in your pants, sure," I agreed. My voice sounded a little slurred, but I didn't feel that drunk. I felt sleepy and happy.

Kurz's back stiffened at my words, so I slapped it.

"Lighten up. I was just kidding," I said.

Kurz didn't reply. He just got off the elevator and made for the room, leaving me to stumble after him. My feet felt so heavy in the snow boots.

"Wait up," I said before I could think better of it. Kurz turned around fast and caught me hanging on the wall like a total loser. He looked at me for a moment and shook his head like he needed to clear it before coming back and putting an arm around my waist.

"You're kind of cute when you're so pathetic," he said.

"Eat shit," I slurred.

Kurz unlocked the door with one hand and deposited me on the bed. I toed off my boots and nestled down in the pillows. Kurz banged around some stuff while my eyes drifted shut, but then he was kneeling down by my side of the bed and touching my cheek.

"Hey, I need you to listen to this," he pleaded and held out the headphones. I dragged myself up to sitting and got the headphones on my ears on the second try. I tried to keep my tired eyes on Kurz's face while he plugged in the mini-amp into his guitar. He caught my eye to make sure that I was ready and then began to play.

I'd heard Kurz noodling around on his precious Marie before, but I hadn't heard the song that way that Kurz intended it to sound through the amp. How to describe it? I listened for almost the entire song before I opened my eyes and_ knew_.

"It's so lonely," I said when Kurz finished.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. "Mmph. I guess it is."

Maybe it was the Hot Toddy thinking for me, but I leapt out of bed right then and there. "Get up," I ordered Kurz.

He gave me a weird look while he unplugged from the mini-amp, but he obeyed. As soon as he was on his feet, I gave him a big hug. Oh yeah. It was that cheesy and dumb, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Kurz didn't try to grab my ass or anything. He hugged me back. It was nice.

"You're not alone, dummy," I told him, and he nearly picked me off the ground.

"Thanks," he whispered into my shoulder.

You know what's sad? As I held onto Kurz, I tried to think back to the last person who hugged me, and the only one that I think of was Tessa on the AS training field over a year ago. That's a long time to go without really touching another human being. I know it's cliche to quote that stupid study about how babies die when they aren't touched, but I'll be damned if there's not some solid truth in that worn-out warning. It felt really good to hold someone. Really damn good.

"Am I too late to take you up on that offer to talk?" Kurz asked when I finally pulled away.

"Sure," I said. "What's up?"

Kurz flopped down on the bed. I was still pretty sleepy, so I tried to stay upright to avoid passing out during the poor guy's confession.

"I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Don't laugh, okay?" he started.

"No promises," I said. "You get beat up on the kiddie slopes or something?"

"I banged this girl that I met on the mountain today, and I feel really fucking bad about it."

I don't know what I was expecting Kurz to say, but that certainly wasn't it. I think I managed to keep my jaw from dropping. "Was she underage or something?"

Kurz hit me with a pillow. "Hell. No. But you know what? I don't even know her name. I think it was Kristen. How low is that?"

I tossed the pillow at his head. "Kurz, I don't see the problem here. So you had a one-night stand. It happens."

"It's just...I've tried really hard not to be that guy, you know?"

I let myself fall back on the bed, so when I let my head fall to the side, I was eye-level with Kurz.

"You're not that guy," I said. "But if you didn't want to hook up, why did you do it?"

Kurz groaned and stuck his face in a stack of pillows. "Because she was really hot and I've been really lonely? Lame much?"

"Sounds normal to me," I shrugged. "But what's with the loneliness? You weren't like this before."

"My girl was alive before," Kurz confessed.

"Shit," I blew out a long breath. So this was about the sick girl after all. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. I lost her a couple months ago. I haven't been dealing with it well," he admitted. He was still talking into the pillow, so I had a little trouble hearing him clearly.

"Have you talked to Peggy?" Peggy was the medic on the TDD-1, and even though she wasn't a licensed psycho-anything, she had a way with her logic. She could also refer you to a pro if she couldn't help you out.

"Nope," Kurz said.

I smacked him in the head with pillow. "Get right on that when we get back."

"Roger that." He turned to me with one elbow holding him up. "You don't think I'm a total sleaze, right?"

"Actually, I re-evaluating my opinion of you for the better. I thought you would take any chance to grab some ass," I tried to say frankly, but I busted out laughing. "You're fine, Weber. Stop feeling bad for giving it to some snow slut."

"Got it." Kurz bobbed up and gave me a real smile this time. "Thanks."

"Don't fuck any more worthless cunts, stop writing sad songs, and work on grieving like a normal person who, I dunno, _tells his friends_ about stuff like that right away and not months later, and you'll be right as purple rain," I yawned. "Can I go to bed now?"

He got up to tuck Marie back in her case. "Goodnight" was all he said.

* * *

A/N: This story is a present to myself. I've been sicksicksick, and there is nothing in my house that remotely speaks to the nearness of Christmas. Also, I just broke my favorite mug, which was my last and best souvenir from Ashland. I took it as a sign.

This Weber/Mao piece is completely unrelated to my other works. I plan to keep updating "The Rushing Wind" this month, too. I'm too sick to do much of anything else. :-/


	2. Chapter 2

I felt fantastic when I woke up the next morning, and better than that, it had snowed in the night.

I noticed it while I came out of the bathroom. The light coming in from around the curtain had this amazing glow to it, and I just knew that when I looked outside that I would see snow.

And I did.

I stood there like a complete dipshit for a solid minute to take in the beauty of it. Snow covered everything. Main Street looked like a scene from a greeting card under the fresh dusting of white. Honestly, I wished that I had a camera. I could have made a small fortune selling the rights to a shot like that. The cynical part of me wanted to whine about how cold it would be when I went out to smoke, but I decided to ignore that part and focus on the inner child that couldn't wait to smack Kurz upside the head with a snowball.

Kurz was sound sleep. He would have probably liked to sleep for a few more hours, but that wasn't going to stop me.

I pounced on him and stuck my cold hands in the crook of his neck. "Get up! It snowed!"

I sounded just like a kid.

He glared at me through half-open eyes. "You're feeling better...and awake," he said with his voice still thick with sleep.

"Um, yeah." I threw myself on him in a poor imitation of a wrestling move that I saw once on TV. "Did I mention that it snowed?" I menaced while grinding an elbow into his side.

"Ow! Knock it off, Mao. I've been skiing the last two days, so pardon me if I fail to get excited about a little snow."

I kicked Kurz out of the bed for that one. He landed in an unhappy heap on the floor and frowned at me. "I think I liked it better when you were sick."

I was too busy pulling on my clothes and boots to mind his bad mood. "No, you didn't. Now let's go. I want to play."

Kurz got dressed ruefully while I bounced around the room. It's not usually in my nature to bounce, but if you had been sick and stuck in a hotel for two days straight, you would bounce too.

"There's a park a few blocks away," Kurz yawned as he did the fasteners on his snow boots.

"Nice. Let's go," I decided.

I was so damn excited about a measly three inches of snow that I forgot my gloves in the hotel room. My hands burned in the cold, but I ignored it.

Here's the deal with me and snowball fights. You get soldier-types in any sort of combat situation, and our instincts come out. Normal people stand in a field and hurl handfuls of snow at each other while laughing merrily. Kurz and I had a straight-up snowball war.

The first move belonged to me. I fulfilled my secret desire to clobber him with a sneak attack. He had stopped to take sip from a water fountain. Ashland is built around this park called Lithia, and it pumps out this crazy, fizzy, hot spring water which the city makes available through a public fountain. While Kurz distracted himself with a drink, I scooped up two fistfuls of snow and made a monster-sized projectile. As soon as Kurz stood up, kablamo! Right in the ear.

Then I made the rookie mistake of sticking around to gloat. Kurz turned around with wide eyes, and I knew on the spot that I had started something big. I sprinted for the nearest source of cover, which happened to be a cluster of trees. Kurz pinned me down with a rapid-fire attack, so I used a crowd of kids as cover to escape to the duck pond where the snow was thicker for a better supply of ammo. Kurz liked to make freaking snow cannonballs and lob them at my head whereas I preferred the rain-of-fire method with lots of little pellets. We dodged through the underbrush and shamelessly used passing people as shields. We double-backed and faked out. I tried to slipknot him but got too close. Kurz tackled me, and then it went from a snowball fight to snow-wrestling-while-shoving-each-other's-faces-into-the-fresh-drifts. We were such goobers that we actually drew a bit of a crowd.

Kurz still sucks at hand-to-hand, so he wisely called for a truce before I could humiliate him in front of the kiddies.

"I'll let you up in exchange for breakfast," I bargained while pressing the side of his face to the ground.

"Shit! Are those your hands? They feel like blocks of ice," Kurz said.

"Yep. Don't change the topic. I want pancakes," I said.

"You'll get pancakes," Kurz surrendered, so I let him up.

A sweet-faced woman with two kids in tow came up to us.

"Y'all are so funny!" she drawled. "You should head over to Table Mountain. There's a really fun snow play area."

"Is that where you are headed?" I asked. The kids had a sled each, and they looked like chubby elves in all their layers of winter clothes.

"Sure are," the woman smiled. "Maybe we'll see you there."

"Maybe we will," Kurz said and returned the smile.

The little girl waved to us as her mother walked them away. I thought that she looked a little like my eldest niece, and just thinking about my family made me a little homesick. I hadn't been anywhere that reminded me of home in a long time. Being back in the States and the snow had tripped something in me. I made a mental note to call my mom later.

"You want to try breakfast there?" Kurz pointed to a brightly lit, 50's style diner. "You sure liked their biscuits."

The thought of those biscuits made my stomach grumble. "Now you're talking."

Inside the diner was warm, and we took a booth by the large windows facing the street. My hands pricked and burned in the room temperature after so long out in the snow, and my mug felt so hot that I nearly dropped it. Coffee sloshed acorss the table and onto my snow-damp jeans.

"Shit," I mumbled and grabbed a stack of paper napkins from the dispenser to clean up the mess. My fingers still weren't working right, so I succeeded in pushing most of the spilled coffee on the table into my lap.

Kurz didn't laugh. He gave me this funny look and reached over to pick up my left hand. He sucked in his breath when he felt how cold I was and pressed my hand flat between his palms to warm it up.

"You're going to get frostbite at this rate," he warned.

"Yes, Mom."

"I'm not kidding."

"Oh, lay off," I snapped. Kurz reached for my other hand, and it hurt a little when he blew out his warm breath over it. I must have winced because Kurz let out a long-suffering sigh.

"I thought you brought gloves," he said.

"Forgot them in the room. Quit making it a big deal," I grumbled and pulled back my hands. The coffee mug still scorched me when I wrapped my fingers around it, but it was as warm as Kurz and didn't make my chest go all tight.

When the waitress came around, I ordered pancakes and eggs with two biscuits. She didn't think it was weird to order bread with a side of bread, but Kurz had a good laugh at my expense.

True to his word, Kurz paid for breakfast, and we headed back to the hotel to shower and change into dry clothes. I let Kurz take the first turn in the bathroom, so he could do his hair, which can take forever if he's in one of his moods. I like my showers near scalding, and the steam must have loosened something in me because I had this massive coughing fit in the tub. I tried to blow it off, but when I came out of the bathroom, Kurz gave me the same look that my mom used to give me when she caught me smoking.

"You need to rest up or you won't get better," he said.

"I need to get out and have a good time. Let's go skiing," I said and yanked a comb through my hair.

I hoped that the promise of the slopes would get Kurz off my back. It worked for half a second until I ruined it by trying to hack up a lung again. Kurz looked away when I coughed up something sticky and spat it out in the sink.

"I'm not taking you out like this," Kurz said.

"Fine. You can watch TV all day while I have all the fun," I countered.

Kurz shook his head. "You're a real bitch sometimes."

"Bite my ass."

"Idle promises, my pet," Kurz sighed and brazenly checked out my assets in my new khakis.

I threw a boot at him. He dodged.

"You want to try out the place that lady was talking about?" Kurz asked.

I threw back a glass of water to clear my throat. "No, that sounds dumb. Snow play area? Please."

"Let's give it a shot," Kurz reasoned. "If it sucks, we can split."

I tried to stifle another cough in my sleeve. "I can tell you right now that it will blow. I want to ski."

Kurz narrowed his eyes and played his trump card. "I have the car keys."

I contemplated the cost of a taxi, and then realized that I hadn't seen a single yellow cab since I arrived in Ashland. I accepted my defeat with grace. The second flying boot caught Kurz square on the nose.

Getting to Table Mountain took a solid hour, and I overcame my bad mood when I got a load of the sweet sledding hill. Little kids and their parents trudged up to the midway point before pushing out into the ramp of snow and sliding down. Bolder kids and teenagers went further up where the hill got super-steep to race down the side of the mountain. Some people used flat sleds or those plastic saucers. Others rented these puffy inner tubes from a shack on the far side of the valley. Since we didn't have any sleds of our own, Kurz and I headed to the shack first. We passed families gathered around little campfires with thermoses of hot chocolate making the rounds among them. Two long-coated dogs romped around the parked cars. The whole scene reminded me of a tail-gate party.

To my surprise, someone from a campfire circle waved to us.

"Hey y'all!" the woman called out. She had taken off her hat, but the drawl in her voice gave her away as the lady from the park. Kurz beamed her a smile and went right over. He makes friends easy, especially with chicks in pink who wear their hair in long, blond curls.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said by way of a greeting.

"We just love it. You can't keep us away," the woman gushed. "You been on the hill yet?"

"Not yet," Kurz said.

"I'm Cindy," the woman said and set her hand on the leg of a geeky-looking guy sitting next to her. "This is my husband Ted. The kids are out having fun, but you can join us if like."

Cindy held out a thermos to us, and Kurz looked at me like I should make the call. I decided that the hot chocolate looked delicious.

"I'm Melissa, and the pretty-boy is Kurz," I said as I took a seat on a stump.

"Honey, these are the people that we saw in the park today," Cindy told Ted before turning back to us. "Y'all looked like you were having so much fun. The kids were going on about your snowball fight all the way here."

Kurz scratched the back of his head and blushed. "We don't get many chances to see snow where we're from."

"No need for excuses, honey. I see tons of snow, but I still love it," Cindy said. She reached into her bag and pulled out a flask. "May I add a little holiday cheer to your cocoa? It'll keep you warm."

"Yes, please," I said and reached for the flask. I officially loved this woman.

It turned out the Cindy was a transplant from Alabama, but Ted had grown up in Oregon. They told us all about the area: the Rouge River, the salmon, the Gold Coast, and the best places to get pie. Their kids drifted in and out of the conversation as they alternated between sledding and warming up by the fire. The little girl, Ellie, took a liking to Kurz. She would smile shyly up at him over her thermos and beg him to go play with her. I rented a couple of tubes, and we all took turns going down the mountain. Ellie always wanted to ride with Kurz.

Ted didn't like the sledding much. He had one of those fancy cameras and kept himself entertained while the rest of us exhausted ourselves running up the steep trail to slide back down. Truth be told, I tired out faster than Kurz and the kids because of my cold. I pretended to be a big fan of photography, so I could hang out with Ted to cover my weariness. Kurz would have been a pain in my ass about how he had been right to keep me from the ski slopes if he had known.

"Your kids are really cute," I told Ted as he lined up his shots through an old-fashioned viewfinder.

"You should tell that to Cindy," he said. "They're hers."

"Damn, you had me fooled. You look like one big happy, you know?"

Ted gave me a half-smile. "I'd like to think that we're getting there. Those kids have been through a lot. Their real father...well, he's not around anymore. Thank God."

I watched Cindy, her son, and Ellie pile onto one tube and speed down the mountain. They looked so happy, and when I looked at Ted, he looked pretty damn happy, too.

"You're a hell of a guy for marrying a chick with two kids. You know that, Ted?"

Ted shook his head. "I'm the lucky one. I used to think that I liked living alone. I had no idea what I was missing."

Cindy had packed homemade chili for lunch, and she let Kurz and I mooch off her family yet again. She even baked bread to go with it. I know, I know. I have a thing for bread. You try spending 300 days a year on a submarine, and you'll develop a taste for fresh food, too. This guy on my squad, Yang, has a serious fruit craving. I once saw him eat an entire pineapple without skinning it first. I'm not the weird one here.

After lunch, the kids got sleepy, and Cindy tried to round them up to head home. Little Ellie wanted none of it. She clung to Kurz's hand.

"You gotta do what your mom tells you to, turtle dove," Kurz told the girl. When he ruffled her hair, she burst into tears.

Cindy gathered her daughter into her arms and gave us a sympathetic look. "Ellie's just worn out. C'mon, baby. Let's go home."

I tugged on Kurz's sleeve to get him away. It felt like we were intruding too much on a family thing.

"Let's go down the Big Easy one more time, and then you can take me home, too," I said.

Kurz smirked.

I smacked him. "Not like that, jerk."

For our last trip, we hauled the inner tube all the way to the top of the sled run, got a running start, and picked up some wicked speed on our way down. We had to jump on once the tube got going, and I ended up pancaked under Kurz. His foot must have caught the ground because the tube spun around like mad, and you can't steer a damn rubber donut. We careened into a snowy bank at the bottom of the slope. The tube flipped and dumped us into the powder. The snow cushioned the fall, and I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe.

"There's no way we're topping that today," Kurz got out when he could finally talk over his laughter.

"Nope," I agreed. I picked myself up and dusted the snow from my ass and elbows. Then, I heard Cindy scream.

Ellie must have followed us up the mountain without telling her mom because she was sliding down from the very top. Maybe she copied our running start, too. Either way, she was flying down the slope and headed straight into a pack of newcomers. Even though they aren't allowed at the park, one of the kids in the cluster of sledders had an old-fashioned toboggan with metal rails.

Helplessness makes terrible scenes appear to happen in slow motion, but I've seen too many bad things in my life to experience that delay anymore. For me, it all happened in an instant. For Cindy, it probably took half a lifetime.

Ellie crashed face-first into the pack of sledders and tumbled out of her plastic saucer. The toboggan was forced sideways, and the downhill rail caught in the snow. It flipped up and over its owner before smashing down on Ellie. A sharp crack echoed through the trees. Ellie's motionless body slid the rest of the way to the bottom and stopped at the foot of the hill face-down in the snow.

Kurz and I took off running before she came to a stop, so we got to the girl first. Instinctively, I did a scan. I saw no blood on the snow, and her clothes looked dry. Kurz reached out to pat her down to see if the bulky winter clothes disguised any gashes. When he touched her left arm, Ellie whimpered.

"Hey," I tried to soothe the poor girl. "Can you hear me? I need you to tell me if you're hurt."

Ellie started to cry, so Kurz took over.

He turned up the Weber Charm to eleven. "You took a good spill there, cutie. You okay?"

Ellie rolled over to see his face. She swallowed her tears. "I dunno."

Kurz beamed at her the whole time, but I could see him checking her for serious wounds. He tapped her leg. "You feel that?"

"Yeah," Ellie said. Her lower lip trembled.

Kurz tried her other leg. "How about that?"

"Yeah."

"And this?" Kurz tickled her under the arms, and Ellie shrieked happily. She bolted upright to fend off Kurz's attack and frowned when her left arm moved oddly.

"Looks like you broke it, turtle dove," Kurz laughed. "That will be a great story to tell your friends, huh?"

Ellie was clearly debating whether to cry, but she wanted so badly to impress Kurz that she gave him a watery smile instead.

Cindy swept in to hug her girl, and I headed over to Ted to get out of the way.

"She'll need to get her busted arm set by a doctor, but she seems fine," I told him.

Ted looked relieved. "I can't believe how fast you guys were. I mean, I just stood there and watched it happen."

I turned my head to cough away from him. The running and laughing had shaken something loose, and it tickled the back of my throat. "No problem. We do this stuff a lot."

After Cindy and Ted left for the hospital, I checked in the tubes to the shack while Kurz brought around the car. I didn't feel like talking, so we listened to the radio on the way back. Kurz made up some dumb rules about how the driver gets to pick the station. I wanted rock, but he made me listen to Christmas music. I had to hear "Jingle Bell Rock" twice. We made it back to Ashland by late afternoon.

My clothes were damp, so I changed into dry clothes yet again back in the room.

"You did really good with that little girl," I yelled at Kurz, who was hogging the bathroom for his second hot shower of the day.

"Awww. Thanks, Sis. Ellie's going break hearts when she grows up," he shouted back.

The mental image of Kurz scouting elementary-school girls made me shudder with disgust.

"I'm going downstairs for a drink," I decided aloud. I popped a couple pills to keep my cough from bugging me before grabbing my coat and taking off.

Dex waved at me from behind the bar as soon as I came into the room. I waved back and beat a business guy to the last bar stool.

"Be honest. Did the Hot Toddy work its healing magic on you?" Dex asked.

"Yep. And now I want beer," I replied.

"I may have just the thing." Dex pulled a bottle out from under the bar and popped the top for me. I couldn't read the label because it appeared to be written in German. My first swig had me hooked.

"Winner, winner," I congratulated Dex. "May all your Christmases be white, my friend."

Dex bowed theatrically. "Thank you. Thank you. No applause. Just throw money."

I laughed at that, and Dex moved off to take care of his other customers. The other patrons looked like normal folk on holiday. An older couple at the end of the bar was squabbling. The lady hauled back and punched the guy in the arm while chewing him out something fierce. Her hair had gone white, but you could tell that she had been a looker back in the day. Her face seemed regal despite the wrinkles, and she looked tough and lovely all at once. I really hope that I look that good when I'm old as shit.

The old guy said something that I couldn't hear and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, and all of her anger just drained out of her. She got this peaceful little smile on her face, and the old guy took advantage of the quiet moment to cop a feel of her ass. It was way better entertainment than all of the terrible TV I had watched from the couch upstairs.

My beer didn't last long, and Dex replaced it with wink before going back to the others. The place was doing a steady business, and I was grateful for the crowd. The Dirty Blondes were chatting up some poor guy in the corner, and I really didn't want to attract their attention. Kurz came in right around the time I polished off my second round. He took one look at the women in the corner and came over to put an arm around my shoulders.

"Have I told you how much I admire and respect you, Sergeant Major?" he said. "My, and don't you look nice this evening."

"Cut the crap, Kurz. It's getting thick in here," I groaned.

Kurz stole my bottle and spun it around to check out the label. "Nice stuff. Dex keeps this back there?"

"He said something about this being his last one," I teased.

"Almost," Dex chimed in. He pulled out two more bottles and set them on the bar. "Those are the last of their kind."

"To a great beginning to a wild night," Kurz said and tipped his bottle to me. I tapped my bottle on its bottom and made Kurz's beer fizz over. He managed to get most of it in his mouth and shot me a dirty look.

"If you're serious about a wild night, you should check out my friend's band. They're playing at this jive joint tonight. It's a little rough," Dex warned.

"I can handle it," I said.

Dex looked me up and down. "I'll bet you can, lady." He grabbed a napkin and sketched out a map. "They go on at around eight."

Kurz pocketed the map. "Thanks. You wanna check it out?" he asked me.

"Sure," I shrugged.

I conned Kurz into going back to that cafe with the biscuits after we finished our drinks, and I'll be damned if the waitress didn't remember me from that morning.

"You're the gal who likes bread with a side of bread," she exclaimed.

Kurz grinned so wide that I thought his face would split. I think he left an extra twenty on the table for her just for that.

The bar with Dex's friend's band was a dive with peanut shells on the floor and a wall full of neon beer signs. The beer tasted alright, and it came cheap to boot. You had to shout to be heard once the band got going. I loved the place.

Kurz made fast friends with some college kids to earn us seats at their table, and he started chatting up some chick right away. My throat didn't feel up to the challenge of screaming a conversation over the craptacular covers of 80's hair metal, so I stuck to drinking and watching the crowd. There are all sorts of games that you play in a big group of people when you've been in the service long enough. I spotted at least two concealed weapons on bar-goers. I watched the bartender hover near a particular spot when two dudes got in bit of a shoving match and guessed at the location of his alarm system. I saw a couple drug deals go down.

We went through three pitchers of pale ale before the girl climbed into Kurz's lap. I just about puked on the spot. I didn't think Kurz would have gone for her because she was a little heavy-set and wore a fuckload of make-up. I figured that it had to do with the way her tits threatened to bust out of her powder blue sweater.

My beer buzz made me remember that I wanted to talk to my mom, so I ducked out during the band's break to make the call. Mithril's cell phones get great coverage pretty much anywhere in the world, and they don't charge much for personal calls. I had left my jacket inside, so I stuck my free hand in my armpit and hopped around to keep warm.

My dad picked up on the third ring. "Mao Residence."

"Hi Dad, it's me," I said.

There was a pause on the line and I checked the phone to make sure that it hadn't dropped the call.

"Dad? Are you there?"

"I'll get your mother," he said.

"Nice to talk to you too," I muttered to the empty line.

My mom came on a second later. "Hello?"

"Hi Mom. Merry Christmas," I said.

"Are you hurt?" she asked immediately.

I shifted the phone to the other hand, so I could keep my hand from freezing.

"I'm fine," I reassured her. "How are you?"

"Your sisters are here with their families. We had dinner," Mom said.

"Tell them hi for me. I sent some presents for the kids to your place. They should be there by Christmas."

"We're going to Boston to visit your brother for Christmas," Mom said coldly. "It's been the family tradition for the past _five years_."

"Well, shit."

"_Melissa_," she scolded.

"Sorry." I kicked at the curb. "How is everyone?"

I heard my mom cover the phone with her hand. "It's Melissa," she told someone on her end.

"Who?" a distant voice asked.

"Melissa," Mom repeated. "Your sister."

Voices whispered, but I could not catch the actual words.

"I can't hear you," I said loudly into the cell phone.

Mom came back on. "Now isn't the best time. It was good to hear from you. Take care," she said.

"Miss you guys," I said, but the dial tone told me that she had already hung up.

The cold chased me back into the bar where I found that Kurz had slipped off, probably to suck face with that girl, and someone had taken my drink. The college kids made a point of ignoring me, so I pushed my way to the bar for a new glass. On the way there, some guy grabbed my ass, and I didn't think about where I was. I just turned around and landed a punch on the fucker that laid him out. One of his drunk-ass friends decided to go for revenge and took a swing at me. His aim went wide, and he clocked some poor schmuck to my right instead. That dude's beer went down the front of a gal standing by the bar with her biker-leather boyfriend who glared daggers at me.

I don't like people glaring at me, so I slugged him. Not my best move, I know. And that's when things got out of control.

My fighting skills are a source of pride for me, but I guess that I had more beer than I thought. I felt unbalanced and slow. I think that I gave at least as good as I got until a flying glass mug glanced off my head. The impact made my world flash white, and when it returned to color, my vision had gone blurry. I took a hard punch to gut that made me keel over, and suddenly, someone had me by the arms and was dragging me through the crowd. I tried to fight him off, but he forced me through the front door. Once he pulled me outside, I got slammed me against the side of the building.

"Wait here," he commanded.

I recognized the voice even though my vision was playing tricks on me. "Kurz?"

I tried to focus on his face. He looked pissed.

"Don't think about going anywhere until I get back," he ordered.

I nodded and sank down in a pile of dirty snow with both hands on my head. The lump from the thrown beer mug hurt like a motherfucker and bled like one too. Kurz came back after a minute with our coats.

He shoved my red one at me. "Here."

I tried to fish a glove out of the pocket to use on my bump to catch the blood, which was running onto my face, but I dropped it on the ground. When I leaned over to pick it up, I somehow ended up nearly face-planting into the sidewalk.

"Melissa!" Kurz cried out.

I tried to stand up and didn't quite make it. Kurz grabbed me and half-carried, half-dragged me to our car. He shoved me into the passenger seat, and we pulled out of the parking lot right about the time that the cops arrived. The flashing lights on the top of their cars made me think of those blinking lights that my dad used to put on our Christmas tree when I was a kid.

I started thinking about how terrible a person I had to be to make my dad refuse to speak to me and for my own sister to forget who I was. Before I knew it, I was crying. It wasn't pretty, sniff-sniff, teardrop crying either. This was big, messy, snotty crying. I didn't think that I had gotten that drunk. On a typical night, I can drink beer forever and not get wasted, so something had to be wrong with me. I only cry when I'm drunk.

I bawled and tried to keep the blood out of my eyes while Kurz drove and ignored me. When we had left the bar and police cars behind, Kurz swung the car into the parking lot of one of those fast-food burger joints and turned off the engine.

"Wait here and try not to bleed on the car," he told me.

I stayed put because, even drunk, I knew that I looked like a horror show. The bump on my head kept leaking bleed. My eyes had to be all puffy and red. Snot ran all over the place. I used the time alone to try to pull myself together enough to stop crying.

Kurz came back with a big stack of napkins, a bunch of bottles of water in a plastic bag, and two coffees. He opened the passenger door and turned me around to face him.

"You look like shit," he sighed. "What the hell happened?"

Kurz tipped my head back and started dabbing at the blood with a fistful of napkins. I sat there like a dummy and let him take care of me.

"I only had beer," I hiccuped.

"How much beer?" he asked critically.

The yellow napkins were scratchy against my skin when I used one to blow my nose. I thought hard about the question.

Kurz finished with the clean-up and pressed a fresh wad of paper napkins against my head wound and narrowed his eyes. "How much did you drink, Mao?"

"A couple a' beers at the hotel and..." I felt woozy, and when I closed my eyes, I almost tipped out of the car. I felt Kurz catch up and push me back into the seat.

"You do any shots at the bar?" he asked.

"Just beer," I sniffed. I swatted Kurz's hand out of the way, so I could hold the napkins against my head. He pressed down too hard, and it hurt like hell.

Kurz tends to be a really easy-going guy, but when he gets mad, he can really lose his shit. As he stood in front of me in my sorry state, I could see his hands twitching like he wanted to hit something. I half-expected him to take a swing at me. Heck, I would have welcomed it. I had done enough to ruin his trip to deserve it.

Instead of socking me one, Kurz picked up one of the coffees from the hood of the car, poured a bit on the concrete, and added cold water from a water bottle.

"Do you feel like you might be sick?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Okay, drink this as fast as you can. It shouldn't be that hot now," Kurz told me.

I accepted the coffee and gulped it down while Kurz went on.

"I don't know what to do here, Sis. I've seen you drink hard plenty of times, and there's no way that you should be so drunk after that amount of beer. I think that you may have a concussion. I should take you to a hospital, but that would raise a lot of questions. Mardukas would have both of our asses for this."

Kurz had a point. The symptoms for concussions look an awful lot like typical drunken behavior. It wasn't likely that I would concuss over a simple bop to the head, but it wasn't like me to get so sloshy drunk without some serious determination on my part either.

"I'm fine," I tried to argue. "Gimme a chance to sober up."

"That's why I got the coffee," Kurz said. "I'm giving it an hour. If you're not better by then, we go to the hospital. I won't care what Markdukas does to me. Can you walk?"

"Yeah," I said with more conviction than I felt.

With Kurz's support, I climbed out of the car. He helped me into my jacket and held onto me with one arm. He carried the second coffee and the bag of water bottles in his other hand. Cold air, movement, lots of water, and black coffee are the best ways to sober up fast. We walked slowly down residential streets lined with houses covered in Christmas lights while Kurz handed me bottle after bottle of water. I had to stop to take a leak in some bushes. Kurz was sweet enough not to laugh at me for that.

We stopped for a second to admire a particularly decorated house. It had lights on everything from bushes to the mailbox, candles in every window, and eight tiny reindeer pulling a little sleigh on the roof. Kurz took a sip of the second coffee before trading it for my drained water bottle, which he stashed in the bag with the other empties.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm sorry."

Kurz half-smiled at me and hitched his arm around my waist to keep me upright. "I can't say that you've been the best company the past few days, but you want to know something sad? I don' t have any one else to be with."

I snorted. "Me neither."

Kurz raised an eyebrow at that. "You have a family."

I couldn't help it. Fresh tears just started leaking out of my eyes. I tried to wipe at them with my gloved hands and smeared a glob of half-dried blood on my cheek.

Kurz smudged it away with his thumb. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but did something happen back there at the bar?"

"No," I lied.

"You suck at lying," Kurz said. "The last time I saw you cry was when we got drunk at McAllen's wake."

I tried to think back to come up with another instance to prove Kurz wrong and failed. I had cried over the death of my commander and old friend, but I couldn't think of a single time that I had broken down between then and now.

Kurz didn't press the issue, and I stayed quiet. Eventually, we turned away from the reindeer house and started walking again. I drank down the coffee as we went along and tried to think sober thoughts. My head still hurt, though. The street dead-ended after a few blocks. We turned around and back-tracked toward the car. When we passed the reindeers again, I finally got up the nerve to say something.

"You're right about something happening," I admitted. "I thought it would be a great idea to call my family from the bar."

"And it didn't go so well?" Kurz guessed.

I laughed bitterly. "No, it went great. My dad said six whole words to me. That beats that grand total of the past two years combined."

Kurz held out the bag, and I dropped the empty coffee cup inside.

"Maybe you should have gone home to be with them," Kurz said in a low voice. "You're family. You should patch things up."

"Not likely. After I blew off that stupid marriage and washed out of the Marines, I think they all gave up on me. You know that I had to hang low in Hong Kong with my mom's family because my dad threatened to have me committed after I got my walking papers from the Marines, right? My sisters are all MBAs and married with kids, and my brother was just named partner in some hoity-toity law firm. I'm like the deformed skeleton they would really prefer to keep locked in the closet."

"That's bullshit. If they had any sense, they would be damn proud of you. You're amazing. You're so intuitive sometimes that it's scary, and you got a bunch of guys on your squad would happily die for you. You're not some loser," Kurz explained.

"You're so full of shit," I said.

I knew that Kurz was just feeding me a line to make me feel better, but he sold it well. It made me glad that I had at least one person in the whole stupid world who cared enough about me to buy my water and walk me around in below-freezing weather after I got shit-faced and started a fight.

"Why are you being so good to me? " I blurted out.

"Because you're about all I got," Kurz shrugged.

"Yeah, well, since no one else seems to want me, you can have me," I said grumbled.

Kurz started laughing before I realized what I had said.

"Shut up, idiot. Is everything a sexual innuendo with you?" I yelled and punched him in the ribs.

"Oof! You must be feeling better," Kurz observed while rubbing his side.

I was standing on my own and not swaying in the wind like a drunkard anymore. My head hurt, but my vision was good. I could see the constellations clearly in the inky black night sky.

"Yeah. I think I'm okay now," I said.

Kurz pulled me against him and hugged me hard. The bag of empty bottles banged against my back.

"Thank God," he breathed. "You kind of scared me for minute back there."

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I think that I had just enough alcohol in my system to feed my flirty side because as Kurz hugged me, I had the sudden hope that he would kiss me.

He didn't.

We made it back to the car without incident and drove to the hotel. Kurz made me listen to those terrible Christmas music stations again.

I got first dibs on the bathroom and had crawled into bed by the time Kurz finished up. He came out of the bathroom in pajama pants and no shirt, and I was grateful that I had already turned off my light because I think I checked him out. Like I've mentioned before, Kurz isn't hard to look at, and I'm not made of stone here.

On his way to bed, Kurz paused by the TV and picked up one of my bottle of pills.

"Hey, did you take any medicine today?" he asked off-handedly.

"Just for my cough. I think I had some before I went down to see Dex," I yawned.

Kurz sat down on my side of the bed and turned on my light again.

"Read the fine print, beautiful. You're not supposed to drink when you're on these babies," Kurz said as he shoved the bottle under my nose. "No wonder you were so out of it."

"No wonder," I repeated. It was a relief to know that I hadn't lost my drinking stamina or gotten brain damage from a stupid bar fight. "Thanks again for taking care of me. I owe you big."

Kurz grinned at me, put one hand on either side of my head, and leaned down until I could feel his hot breath on my throat.

"I can think of one way that you could repay me," he murmured.

Out of instinct, I hit him in the jaw. Thank God for instincts because I almost liked where he was going, for a change.

Almost.

* * *

A/N: It does not typically snow much in Ashland, but it's my story. I'll make it snow if I want to! Bwahahahaha! Also, I went to the bar in question in this chapter. Some guy there seriously offered me a "moustache ride". Yikes. What's a stronger word than 'no'?


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up the next day when Kurz pounced on me.

"Get up. I'm going skiing, and you're coming," he ordered.

I cracked open an eye. "Quit trying to cuddle me."

Kurz responded by pulling me closer and attempting to nuzzle my neck. "Make me."

I pulled the comforter over my head as a protective barrier and ignored him.

Kurz shoved me out of bed, and my first truly awake thought of the day was that the floor was awfully cold against my bare legs.

"You suck," I complained groggily.

Kurz sat cross-legged on the bed and grinned at me. "And you love it. By the way, it's a good thing that you're so pretty. Few people can rock that bump-on-the-head look."

I reached up to touch my souvenir from last night's bar fight. The flesh just behind my hairline above my left temple had swollen in the night to the size of a rifle casing. It hurt when I poked it, but I was pleasantly distracted from the pain by Kurz's shirtlessness.

He caught me looking and smirked. "Like what you see?"

"Maybe," I said in my best sultry voice while leaning back on my hands.

Kurz nearly fell off the bed in surprise. Normally, anything remotely flirtatious that comes out of his mouth is my trigger to wallop him, but it was Christmas Eve. I was in a generous mood. Also, my guilt over the pathetic state of me during the trip so far played a factor. Before I had fallen asleep the night before, I had made a promise to myself that I would try to repay some of Kurz's kindness. I meant it when I said that I owed him in a big way.

I hopped up because I had just about as much of the cold floor as I could take. "Dibs on the shower," I called over my shoulder.

"It's all yours," Kurz said. "I've been up for hours."

"I'll bet you have," I muttered as I closed the bathroom.

Kurz actually did fall off the bed that time.

I was almost finished in the tub when I heard Kurz crack open the door.

"Don't even think about trying to join me," I menaced. The shower had woken me up fully, and I was beginning to suspect that I had gone overboard with the flirting.

"I'm not suicidal," Kurz scoffed. "I'm putting some clothes for you on the counter. You really don't have good ski gear, you know. Your stuff is all cotton."

After Kurz left, I peeked out from behind the shower curtain to make sure that he had shut the door before emerging to grab a towel. I examined the clothes on the sink while trying to get the water out of my hair. Kurz had laid out the most ridiculous outfit ever. He wanted me to wear tights under a pair of jeans, a tank top, a long-sleeved shirt, a sweater, and two pairs of socks. I put them on anyway and felt like a stuffed turkey under all those layers.

"You want breakfast? It's on me," I asked when I went back into the main room to grab my boots.

Kurz was pulling on his coat by the door. "I already ate, but I'll keep you company."

I waved off the suggestion. "Let me grab some coffee and pumpkin bread, and I'll be fine."

"You and bread." Kurz shook his head. "I'm amazed you can stay so thin."

"You eat way more junk than I do, and you look fine," I pointed out.

"Protein, babe. I lay off the carbs," Kurz said smugly.

"If I recall, you had a hamburger on a bun the size of your face for dinner last night," I reminded him.

"Speaking of dinner, I made us reservations someplace nice. It was a pain to find anything open on Christmas Eve. We need to be there by eight," Kurz said.

"Sure," I agreed.

Kurz held the door for me, so I could pull on my coat as we left.

The stupid coffee shop was out of pumpkin bread, so I got this enormous cinnamon roll that looked yanked straight from the side of the head of that chick from _Star Wars_. The guy behind the counter said as much when he gave it to me, and I laughed.

"That looks like it hurts," the coffee guy said as he handed me the change. His eyes flicked over to my prominent head wound.

I dropped the coins into the tip jar. "Yeah, not my best moment."

"I'd hate to see the other guy," he smiled.

Kurz must have thought that I was getting too friendly because he proceeded to step in and order a drink with more words in its title than any single beverage should ever possess. He poked the lump on my head while the coffee guy was busy making the drink.

"We should stop and pick up a hat for you."

"Is it that bad?" I asked. I screwed up my eyes to see if I could spot it. The lump felt large enough to have its own gravitational field.

"No way, Sis. It looks good on you. I just think it'll get cold on the mountain," Kurz teased.

"Dumb ass," I said under my breath.

Most shops weren't open yet, but we were able to get into the little pharmacy to see if they carried any of those woolen sock hats. I hoped that they might stock gloves, too. Mine were all bloody from the night before. I got lucky; they had both. The only hat that looked like it was meant for a person instead of an elephant was bright pink. I bought it anyway. I also picked up some vitamins, and on the way back to the car, I popped open the bottles and took a few.

"Here," I said and held out a few of the orange-ish pills to Kurz. "So you don't get my disease."

Kurz eyed me suspiciously. "What's up with you today?"

I frowned at him. "Nothing is up. I'm trying to be _nice_."

"Well, quit it. It's freaking me out," Kurz said.

I saddled up beside Kurz and slipped an arm around his waist. "Don't be like that. I want to be a nice girl for Christmas," I flirted.

Kurz stopped dead in his tracks at first contact and shook his head as if to clear it. Then, he tossed the vitamins into his mouth and chased them with his over-priced coffee drink. "I don't know if I can handle your version of nice," he confessed.

I laughed. "Now you know how I feel. Your nice is weird as hell."

I had hopped into the passenger seat before I realized that Kurz had opened the door for me.

"You were saying?" he grinned.

I swallowed the insult that I wanted to yell and smiled instead. "Why, thank you."

Kurz chuckled. "Oh, that's how you want to play it, sister? You're on."

And so started the Battle of the Nice. Kurz kicked off by tuning in the hard rock radio station on the way to Mt. Ashland. When I picked up on it, I sweetly changed the station to his dumb Christmas music. Then, I goofed by calling him a 'pansy-ass cocksucker without the sense to find his way out of a six inch hole' for missing a turn and had to work double-time to make up for it. I bought our lift passes and rental gear, which was easy as beating Kurz on the credit card draw, but he played a tight defense otherwise.

The main obstacle for me was my inability to ski down a fucking mountain without falling on my ass every dozen yards. Kurz zoomed along like his mother birthed him on a freaking Swiss Alp while I kept getting stuck ass-up in the snow. Kurz would skid to a halt with a beautiful spray of snow arching away from his skis to politely stop and smile at me.

"You want help?" he would ask.

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

Then, he would take me at my word, even though it was clear as glass that I was one bad turn away from smashing into a tree and dying in a spectacular explosion of blood, and he would push off to glide down the slope like it was easy as breathing.

I hated him. I hated him so bad.

After my third trip down Mt. Ashland, I claimed that I was freezing, so I could hang out in the ski lodge and nurse my busted ego. It was in that very lodge that I discovered that Mt. Ashland is not an easy mountain for beginners like me and that Black Diamond trails are designated 'advanced' and not 'extra fun', as Kurz had claimed.

On a normal day, I would have kicked his ass six ways to Sunday for pulling one over on me. While I was wrapped up in winning a Battle of Nice, Kurz had started something much more sinister. Still, this new war wasn't one that I could win with bare knuckles. I sipped down my second cup of coffee alone at a rough wood table and plotted my sweet, sweet revenge.

Kurz turned up about an hour later to find me. I saw him come in and got my game face on. I summoned the brightest, doe-eyed smile that I could manage and raised my arm to wave him down. Kurz jerked his head up when he saw me and headed toward my table. I stood up and put one hand on my hip.

"You can stay inside as long as you need to. I don't want you to catch cold again," Kurz told me when he got close. I could see the mischief gleaming in his eyes. He was plotting to throw me down the hardest run on the mountain. I could just sense it.

I put my plan into motion. Stepping dangerously close to him, I placed one hand in the center of his chest and raised shy eyes to meet his. "You're so good to me. I don't know what I'm doing out there, and I just hate slowing you down. I really wish there was a way that I could make it up to you."

I inched closer until I could feel the heat coming off of him and tipped back to gaze up at his face. Kurz gulped. I angled my head so my breath blew sweetly into his ear, and then I went for the kill.

"Kurz-baby," I said in that breathy whisper that makes men think bad things.

Kurz nearly died on the spot. "I take it that you figured out what a Black Diamond is," he managed to get out.

"You would never intentionally try to get me killed by a pine tree, would you?" I exhaled. I leaned into his chest with my head on his shoulder. "I thought you were _nice_."

"When you shank me, can you aim for the kidneys first? I'd like to die quickly of blood loss. Less pain that way," Kurz pleaded.

I couldn't keep up the act anymore and started laughing. "Jeez, you men are so easy. It's pathetic. I'm not going to kill you. I need _someone_ to teach me how to ski."

Kurz collapsed into a chair and looked relieved beyond words. "Oh man, I think my life just flashed before my eyes."

"Wimp." I spread out a trail map on the table. "How about if you start me on the beginner's run? I'm sick of falling on my ass."

We suspended the War long enough to get through the beginner trail once and the only intermediate trail twice before I felt ready to tackle a Black Diamond again. Even though it was probably boring as fuck-all to coach me, Kurz stuck by my side the whole time and managed to do a half-way decent job giving me pointers. I'm not weak, and I know how to use my body. Being an AS pilot puts certain demands on you physically, so it was only a matter of practice before I caught the hang of skiing. I think that I finally understood Kurz's love for it on the last run of the day. The rush of speed, the beauty of the mountain, and the responsiveness of a simple weight shift combined for a good time.

Kurz had been right about my clothes being bad for skiing. By the end of the day, everything I had on was damp and stiff from the cold. Kurz let me crank up the heater in the car on the way home, and the heat must have made me sleep. I didn't remember a bit of the drive back to Ashland until I came to in the parking lot. The absence of the sound from the engine must have awoken me.

Kurz had put his arms on the wheel and was watching me.

"You laughed in your sleep," he said. "It felt mean to wake you up from a good dream."

"As if a vacation with you is such a terrible thing to wake up to," I yawned and stretched. "That was fun. Let's do it again tomorrow."

"Everything is closed tomorrow, Sis. Christmas day," Kurz reminded me.

"The day after then." I opened the car door and let the cold wind smack me in the face. The sky had clouded over again, and the air felt heavy. "Do you think it will snow again?" I asked as I shut shut the door.

Kurz had followed my lead, and we walked fast for the warm sanctuary of the hotel lobby.

"They say that if it snows on Christmas you get to make a wish," Kurz said.

"Really?"

"Nope."

"Dummy." I looped my arm through Kurz's. "This was a really good idea. I'm glad I'm here with you."

"I agree, although I've got to say it's more fun when you're not sick or starting fights," Kurz said.

"Quit rubbing it in. It's not like I tried to catch a cold or get my ass grabbed by some sleazy-" I stopped when I noticed the police officer approaching us. Kurz shot me a nervous look, and I shrugged. I certainly had no idea why a cop would want to talk to us.

"Excuse me, folks, but is that your vehicle?" asked the uniformed officer. He pointed at our rental SUV.

I squeezed Kurz's arm to signal him to take over. I'm not great at lying on the spot, so I'd start babbling and blow it. Kurz can fib forever.

"That it is, officer. Is my parking job that bad?" Kurz replied with a friendly smile.

The officer smiled back, and I felt the tension leave my back and shoulders. This wasn't a bust.

"You kids wouldn't know anything about a fight at Max's Bar over on Highway 5, would you? That car was seen leaving the scene," the officer went on.

Kurz looked sheepish and put his arm around me. "Yeah, we were there. I didn't know that it was that kind of place or I wouldn't have taken her. We took off when things got rough."

"You know that it looks bad. Running away like that," scolded the officer, but I could tell that he bought Kurz's version of events.

"I know. We're really sorry for causing you any problems," Kurz said. "If you have any more questions, would you mind moving inside with us? She's cold."

I nodded dumbly and let Kurz pull me closer.

The officer waved off the question. "There's no need. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!" I called after him as the officer headed up Main Street.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Kurz let me go.

"You know, you're almost more trouble than you're worth. I should get a metal for putting up with your problems," Kurz ribbed me.

I elected not to comment because my mind was working on an idea. We ducked into the hotel and were almost back to the room before I got the details nailed down.

"Hey, you said that the restaurant we're going to tonight is nice, right?" I asked outside the door.

"It's on the fancy side," Kurz explained. "Is that a problem?"

"No," I said quickly. "I needed to know what to wear."

"Melissa, you never care what you wear," Kurz said. He slid the key card into the electronic lock and opened the door.

I jumped inside and blocked his path. "I don't care what I look like when I'm on duty, jerk, but I do care sometimes!"

Kurz blinked hard.

"Can I please have the room to myself for half an hour to get ready? I'll meet you downstairs in the bar when I'm done," I said.

Kurz did a scan of my face and the room over my shoulder as if looking for a trap. "What are you planning?" he asked without bothering to hide his suspicion.

"Can I have thirty minutes away from you today or is that too much to ask?" I countered.

Kurz shrugged and gave up. "Whatever you want, sweetheart. See you later."

He looked a little bummed that I was ditching him, and I felt bad for that. I wouldn't have done any ditching at all if I could have thought of another way to spring my surprise on him.

I took the fastest, hottest shower in the history of showers to get warm and clean before the big preparation. Wrapped up in a bathrobe, I tore through the room looking for the things that I needed. I found the black stilettos in a drawer, my sad excuse for a make-up kit in my rucksack, and the necessary under garments mixed in with my new sweaters. Then I dug through the closet and brought out my Sicily dress.

Let me go on record here: I'm not some Marine with muscles for brains, as Tessa might say on a bad day. I can find the critical fault in a Faraday cage based on a few blurry intel shots and a preliminary blueprint. I pilot an advanced Arm Slave. I live in a submarine. I am not, in any way, stupid. I knew _exactly_ what effect the Sicily dress would have on Kurz, and I _wanted_ to give that to him. I wanted to take Kurz out for a high-class meal looking like a high-class kind of girl and let him show off a little.

It's not a top-clearance-level secret that Kurz has a bit of a crush on me. Hell, he crushes on any woman with decent tits and the regulation number of limbs, but it's a somewhat different with me because he knows me. We respect each other. That's why I thought it might be fun for him to take me, all dressed up like a total bombshell, out on the town.

Like I said, though, I'm not stupid. I knew that there was a good chance that the Sicily dress would make Kurz go all slack-jawed and octopus-hands, but I had some hope that he might play his cards right.

You see, I like Kurz. I do. He's a good guy, a good solider, and a damn fine specimen of the male half of humanity. I knew going in to the trip that Kurz and I get along famously and that I could always count on him to get my back when things got nasty on the field. What I didn't know before Ashland was that he could be so downright sweet. He took care of me. He cared about me. Do you know how few people in the world care enough about my sorry hide to look out for me when I'm sick or drunk or both? I had been thinking a lot about the answer to that question during my holiday.

I wore the dress for Kurz as a present, and I wore the dress for myself because I wanted to know just where my feelings for a certain sniper were headed.

Kurz's hair products came in handy when I tried to style my notoriously do-nothing hair to cover the lump on my head. I borrowed the hotel's complimentary blow-dryer and managed to get my short hair fluffy enough to disguise my bar fight prize. Finishing the outfit with make-up after that was easy. I never wear more than a little gloss on my lips, a touch of pinkish powder on my cheeks and eyelids, a sweep of eyeliner, and mascara. That's not a lot compared to most women. I regretted leaving my French perfume back on the TDD-1, and I didn't have any jewelry to wear either.

My first hint of success arrived as soon as I stepped off the elevator into the lobby. Dolores was behind the desk, and she gave me a big thumbs up. Some guy coming in from the cold did a double take when I walked by. I felt as bright as a Christmas tree.

Kurz and Dex were chatting across the bar when I strolled up. I slipped onto the stool next to Kurz and lifted my hand to catch Dex's attention.

"Martini, please. Extra dry, extra dirty," I implored.

Dex blinked twice before the spark of recognition lit up his eyes. "Luck be a lady tonight," he whistled.

Kurz turned his head my way to see what had Dex's attention, and his eyes got big as he took in the hair and the dress. I let his eyes move down my silhouette and back again before settling on my face. I readied my fist to slam into Kurz's neck if he tried to grab at me.

"You're so hot in the dress that it hurts to look at you," he sighed dreamily. "I thought that maybe you were getting sick of me, but if you wanted 100 percent of my attention, I do believe you've got it now."

That was pretty much the reaction I wanted. I balanced my chin on the palm of my hand with one elbow on the bar to mirror Kurz's pose. "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready? I can't take you out looking like that."

Kurz feigned taking a bullet to the heart. "You're kicking me out already? Can't I just sit here and look at you?"

"Not unless you want to miss our reservation. Don't worry. I'll be waiting."

Kurz polished off his beer, gathered up his coat, and started for the lobby. He paused behind me to slip a hand across my hip and whisper in my ear. "If you get bored, check out the older couple at the end of the bar. I'll be back soon."

"Hurry," I reminded him.

The place on my hip vacated by his hand still radiated warmth even after he left. I felt a little drunk, and I hadn't even started drinking yet.

I took a peek down the bar and saw same regal-looking woman bickering with her shameless, ass-grabbing husband that had amused me the day before. It was funny that Kurz found them as entertaining as I did.

Dex followed my line of sight and chuckled. "Those two come in here every night and out-drink people half their age. Would you believe they're not even married? They met late in life after their first spouses died and decided that marriage was too much of a hassle. Cute, right?"

"Cute," I echoed. Dex set my martini in front of me, and I sipped it. Normally, I prefer beer, but it felt right to order a cocktail to go with my backless, curve-hugging, slit-to-my-hip, black gown.

Dex shook a finger at me. "Shame on you, by the way."

"For what?" I asked.

"For looking like that, woman."

I self-consciously tugged up a strap that was sliding down my shoulder. "Is it bad?"

Dex shook his head emphatically. "No, you look like dynamite. That's the problem. You're going to break that poor guy's heart."

"Who, Kurz?" I said. "No way. We're just playing around. He's seen the dress before."

Dex gave me an incredulous look. "Get it straight, hot stuff. _You _may be playing, but that boy looks at you like you're Christmas, New Year's, and the Fourth of July all wrapped into one. He looks like he would take a bullet for you."

I almost laughed at the truth of that statement. Kurz totally would get shot up for me, but then again, I would do whatever it took to protect him, too. I had proven that in combat early on, and Kurz had taken to calling me 'Sis' soon after that.

Nevertheless, I can't say that Dex's warning came as a surprise. I just didn't think that Kurz's crush wasn't as bad as Dex seemed to believe.

"Kurz is a big fan of anything with two X chromosomes," I argued. "He's really not that into me. I'm just convenient."

"This cute little Filipina came over to him while you were upstairs, and he barely gave her the time of day. I'm telling you, girl. That boy only has eyes for you," Dex countered.

"Quit using your crazy bartender wisdom on me!" I complained. "Kurz totally bailed on me last night to make-out with some college chick at that white-trash bar you sent us to!"

"Really? Because he told me that you pulled a disappearing act, and he looked everywhere for you before spotting you in the middle of a bar brawl," Dex said smugly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep sip from my martini. "I hear you, Dex. I get it. Should I change?"

He shrugged. "Do what you want, but don't play too hard and fast with that kid. He doesn't look like he can take it right now."

"I don't want to hurt him," I admitted. "I'll behave."

"Santa Claus is watching, little girl," Dex admonished me before moving down to serve my favorite couple at the end of the bar.

I finished my martini in peace.

Kurz returned right around the time that I got to the bottom of a glass of water. I had no intention of embarrassing myself or Kurz, so I thought that I would go easy on the drinks and alternate in water often.

His charcoal grey suit looked great matched with a dark dress shirt that Kurz had left open at the collar. When he drew closer, I could see a pale pinstripe pattern in the woolen fabric. He looked sharp and confident as he walked through the thinning bar crowd to me.

"Ready, beautiful?" he asked with a 007 smile.

"I'm famished. Let's go," I replied. I dug a few bills out of my coat pocket to cover our tab. That goes to prove how much I fail at being a typical girl. I didn't even have a handbag, and I fully intended to wear my casual coat with my fancy dress and heels.

Kurz didn't seem to mind in the least. He held my coat for me before pulling on his outer coat over the suit jacket and offering me an arm. Dex gave us a mock salute and then shook a warning finger at me as we left the bar.

"Have I told you already how great you look tonight?" Kurz asked.

"I can't slack off if I'm standing next to you," I said playfully. "You look seriously hot in that suit."

Kurz winked at me. "It's new."

"It's hot," I repeated.

The restaurant wasn't far from the hotel, so we walked. The cold numbed my feet through the slinky shoes, so I couldn't feel the straps digging into my ankles. The restaurant itself could hold maybe thirty people, tops, but Christmas Eve meant a lot fewer patrons, which was a shame because someone had gone all out on the decorations. Every available surface supported a lit candle, and the walls were covered with art made from mirrors and beautifully broken shards of colored glass that reflected the light. The scent of cinnamon and something spicy permeated the air.

"Good choice," I told Kurz.

"I try," he replied.

When he put our coats on the rack by the door, I slipped out my credit card and palmed it. There was no way in hell I was going to let Kurz pay for dinner, but he didn't need to know that yet.

The owner greeted us and showed us to our table. When the owner pulled out my chair, I caught his eye and passed him the card. He nodded once to show that he understood. From the looks of it, he was the only front of house worker, and I could see just one chef at work in the kitchen. I thought it was sweet that the owner let the rest of the staff of for the night and told him so.

"I love my job. And besides, I'm Jewish," he answered.

The menu was set for the evening with an option to let the owner pair a glass of wine with each course. Kurz and I agreed that it sounded like an awesome idea, so we didn't waste any time pouring over tiny menu print in the candlelight.

Each course tasted delicious, and I ordered a bottle of mineral water to help me keep my head on straight as I attempted to pace myself with the wine. Moderation isn't my strong suit.

When I left the table to use the facilities, I passed an older gentleman dining alone. He looked old as dirt, and the hands that guided the knife and fork through the steak trembled. He had on a three-piece suit with a crisply pressed handkerchief tucked into the front pocket and, I kid you not, the chain of a pocket watch half-hidden by his jacket. My heart went out to him. No one deserves to eat alone on Christmas.

Kurz must have struck up a conversation with the gentleman while I was in the wash closet because they were both laughing when I came back.

"I am sorry to interrupt your evening, Miss," the gentleman addressed me. "I merely wanted to know what a beautiful woman such as yourself could see in a young man with such a ridiculous hair style."

"I told him it was my stellar personality," Kurz grinned at me.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed.

The guys burst into laughter again.

I swiveled in my chair to face the gentleman. "Would you like to join us?" I asked.

"No, thank you. I do not want to intrude," he dismissed me.

"No intrusion," Kurz said. "I think she's getting bored of me."

"I need someone else at this table who makes sense," I added.

In the end, the gentleman agreed, and the owner helped us move his plates and things to our table. It turned out that my heart had called it right about the older guy. His wife had passed away in October, and he was spending his first Christmas without her alone.

"We didn't have any children," he explained. "Several of our friends invited me to stay with them, but I wanted to be in our home for Christmas. She would have loved the snow this year."

Even though his suit hung loose on his shrinking frame and his skin looked as thin as paper, the gentleman had a wit as sharp as a tack, and he had over eight decades of stories to share. After two years on a submarines together, Kurz and I knew most of each other's best tales and were present on the scene for a growing minority of them. I loved to listen to the gentlemen tell us about how his mother pulled off Christmases with the rations during WWII and how his late wife had slapped him when he surprised her with a trip to Hawaii for the holidays in honor of their 25th anniversary.

"She said that people are supposed to be home for Christmas," he explained and then got very quiet. "I apologize," he said at last. "Clearly, the two of you are not home for Christmas."

"It's fine," Kurz said. "We don't really call one place 'home' at the moment. Our work keeps us moving."

The gentleman beamed at us. "You have each other, and I suppose that is home enough."

Kurz reached across the table and took my hand. I couldn't tell if he did for the older man's sake or because of the underlying edge to the man's comment that smacked of truth.

The other patrons drifted out as the evening turned into night until only our table remained. The owner dismissed the cook and joined us with a dusty bottle of dessert wine.

"On the house, if you don't mind the company. The wife and kids are at her mother's, and I hate going home to an empty house," he explained.

We laughed and talked until nearly midnight, and Kurz held my hand the whole time. In the candlelight and laughter, I could almost see us as the gentleman must have seen us- as a couple.

The thought did not frighten me like I thought it would.

The gentleman was the first to leave. "Although I would dearly love to stay with you fine, young people, I am about to miss Midnight Mass," he explained.

The owner waved us off when Kurz and I tried to help him carry the plates and glasses to the kitchen. I tipped him generously, and Kurz gave me a hard look when he found out that I had paid.

"I didn't know what else to get you for Christmas," I explained.

The guys shook hands at the door, and the older guys kissed my cheek as a farewell.

"Make him get a haircut," the gentleman ordered me as he put on his felt hat and buttoned his coat.

"No promises," I smiled back.

The cold chilled me to the bone as soon as we stepped outside, and the snow was falling fast and thick. The gentleman raised his hand as he walked away to wave goodbye before the darkness and snow hid him from view. The lock on the door clicked shut behind us, and then it was just Kurz and me.

We stood under the open sky outside of the restaurant and let the snow fall on our up-turned faces. Silence filled the night as the snow on the ground and in the air seemed to swallow all noise. Alone on the empty street so close to midnight made me feel a little lost. I felt like Kurz and I were the only people in the world. When I looked at him, Kurz smiled and squeezed my hand.

"Merry Christmas," he said softly.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered back. "Snow on Christmas. Want to make a wish?"

Kurz studied my face, and I didn't flinch or look away when he leaned in. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me.

He kissed me softly like he was afraid to ask for too much, so I drew him closer with one hand in his hair and the other tugging on his jacket. He followed my lead, just like always. I loved that about him. He let me set the pace, and I felt the rest of the world fall away when he pressed against me. Part of me wanted to stand in the street and kiss him forever, but another part wanted him _now_.

I pulled away slowly, so he wouldn't think I was trying to bail on him.

"You want to take me home?" I asked in a voice so low that I could barely hear myself.

"Yes. Oh god, yes. But I..." Kurz lost his words and looked at me helplessly.

I stroked his face with my cold hand. "It's okay if it's too weird."

Kurz took my hand and brought it to his lips to let his warm breath wash over it. "That's not it at all. You have no idea how badly I want you, but I don't think I can take it if it's just for tonight."

"If you let me have my way, you're not getting out of bed tomorrow," I swore.

He kissed me again, and the heat between us was so powerful and present that I couldn't believe that we hadn't melted the snow in a six-foot radius around us.

"Tell me again that I have a chance with you," Kurz said as he held me so tightly that I barely felt my feet on the ground.

"You have _every_ chance with me," I said sincerely. "Take me someplace warm, and I'll show you what I mean."

* * *

A/N: I shamelessly borrowed the line about Kurz's suicidal tendencies from catbaker. Forgive me, darling!

Thanks to my faithful reviewers. Love and more love to you.


	4. Chapter 4

There are certain general rules that every armed service in the world follows. Don't disobey a direct order. Don't subvert your CO.

Another basic tenet of the military is don't fraternize. Don't fraternize with the enemy because you might let something slip. Don't fraternize with another soldier's wife because he might miss 'accidently' and shoot you in the back during the next fire fight. Don't fraternize with your CO because it puts them in a morally dicey situation when they need to think rationally about troop placement, especially in desperate "sacrifice some to save many" scenarios.

Mithril is a military organization, yet it isn't a national army. Most of the rules apply, but the very nature of a super-secret organization that isn't officially acknowledged by ANY nation in the world puts certain stress on Mithril's agents. You can't tell anyone what you do, not even your folks or your wife or your kids. Most of us don't have that sort of thing to begin with, so that's not such a big deal. However, you can't go through life without any personal relationships at all. Because there is such a strict external fraternization policy, Mithril has an informal "don't ask, don't tell" code when it comes to internal fraternization. As long as you don't make a big deal out of it, Mithril doesn't really care about relationships between its members.

Take me and Tessa, for example. I know everything about my captain. I know how she eats those little chocolate candies in order by color and that she starts with red first. I know where she keeps her stash of smutty romance novels. As her subordinate, I shouldn't have a key to her quarters, but I do. We are way over the line of fraternization, but as long as Tessa and I act professionally when it matters, our make-shift sisterhood isn't a big deal. It also helps that she isn't directly above me in the chain of command. I report to Bel, who reports to Mardukas, who reports to Tessa.

Kurz, however, does report directly to me. That's a problem. In addition, I seriously doubt that either of us would be able to play it cool when we're stuck on a submarine for months at a time. Everyone would know about us in a week. That's another problem. Facts are facts, and the fact is that things get a whole lot more complex when you add sex to a relationship. Mithril tolerates close friendships between juniors and seniors, but lovers? Not so much. Problem number three. Last but not least, problem four is that most of Mithril's staff come from national military backgrounds, and it's not easy to put years and years of training to bed when you switch to another type of organization. Both Bel and Mardukas are products of decades of service in stricter armies than Mithril. While a commander like Tessa might go easy on Kurz and me, I wasn't counting on any favors from Mardukas. That guy is seriously uptight.

When I woke up next to a naked Kurz on Christmas morning, I wish that I could tell you that all I could think about was how cute he looks when he's asleep and how wonderful it felt to be with someone after my epic-long love dry spell. But I didn't think at all about those things. I thought about all the ways Mardukas could bust my chops for sleeping with Kurz and whether our relationship was worth it.

In the end, I couldn't decide if Kurz would outweigh the massive drubbing I would get from my superiors. Don't misunderstand me. The night before had been amazing. The dinner, the company, the kissing in the snow: all of that stuff was getting filled under "Mao's Most Romantic Night Ever" in my brain. What happened after the kissing wasn't bad either. We made it back to the hotel, eventually, after some serious detours in doorways along the way. By the time we got back to the room, I was about ready to break as soon as he laid hands on me. I had to wait until the second time to really show him what I could do. Judging by the way that Kurz was still sleeping even after I poked him a few times with my icy-cold fingers, I had done a pretty damn good job.

I tried to wait for him. I dozed off a few times as Kurz slept, but eventually, I was too awake and spooking myself with visions of Mardukas's punishments to stay in bed. I slipped out of Kurz's arms and headed for the shower to occupy my mind. I took my time, but he was still fast asleep when I was done. The clock in the room read close to noon, so I decided to make a food run. It only took five minutes to pull on some clothes and my boots. I leaned over and kissed Kurz on the cheek before I left. I felt bad about leaving him, but he was dead to the world. I didn't bother with a note because I didn't intend to be gone for long.

A whole lot of nothing was open on Christmas morning. I walked up and down Main Street and saw nothing but 'Closed' signs. Eventually, I figured out that the hotel would probably have room service or something for its guests even though the restaurant was closed. I put in an order for a ridiculous amount of food at the front desk, and the gal working the counter was a real treasure because she brought out a tray with a pot of coffee, cups, and all the other associated coffee stuff to tide us over until the food could be delivered. Getting the door unlocked and open while carrying the tray proved a little tricky.

As I opened the door, I could hear Kurz playing that sad song of his on Marie. He was sitting on floor by the bed, and he yanked off the headphones and gave me an odd look as I came in.

"Hey," I said.

"You're back," he said guardedly.

I suspected that he was waiting for the old "I was drunk, and it was a mistake. Can we still be friends?" letdown, so I set the coffee on the coffee table (because that's what it was made for after all), dropped to my knees, and kissed him fiercely.

He pulled me into his lap, his arms strong and possessive around me. Even though I had to compete with his precious Marie for space, Kurz let me kiss him for a long time.

When I finally pulled away, he was smiling again.

"This is unacceptable, you know. You're out of bed AND wearing pants. Fix this now," I ordered.

Kurz pushed out a long breath and kissed me on the forehead. "You had me worried," he confessed.

"I went to get you breakfast, and you think I'm bailing on you. What kind of person do you think I am?" I groaned. I lifted Marie's strap off his shoulder and pushed his guitar out of my way, so I could wrap my arms around my new lover. "I'm not going to blow you off. I like being with you, idiot."

Kurz sagged against my shoulder and dropped a kiss on my collarbone. "You want to call Mardukas and tell him the good news? Bet he'll be thrilled."

In a sad way, it was a relief that Kurz was worried by the same thoughts that had plagued me all morning.

"Let's just see where this goes. If we still want to graduate this from a vacation fling to the real deal, we can make the call at the end of the trip. Okay?" I offered.

"Why? You think you'll get sick of me?" Kurz asked jokingly, but my answer was serious.

"I don't know. I have no idea where this is going."

"Do you think you could love me?" Kurz asked in a small voice.

I smacked him in the head. "Dummy. How am I supposed to answer that?"

Kurz shoved me off his lap, and his temper flared up. I could see it in his eyes.

"Just tell me the truth!" he yelled.

"The truth is that I don't know!" I yelled back. I threw up my hands in surrender. "I don't know, Kurz. Really. I have no idea. I could love you already. How am I supposed to know?"

Kurz touched my elbow. "I'm sorry. I think I'm still having trouble believing that we're having this conversation. I never expected you and me. I mean, I always hoped, but..."

"Can we stop fighting and get back into bed now?" I pleaded.

"Yeah. I think I'm all about putting off Mardukas until the last minute," Kurz agreed after thinking it over for a moment. Then, he frowned. "The coffee'll get cold."

"Why do you care about coffee at time like this? I want make-up sex. Now. Fuck the coffee."

"You're right. Fuck it," Kurz repeated and reached for me.

The room service guy brought us a fresh pot with the rest of my order about 40 minutes later.

True to my promise, I kept Kurz in bed all Christmas Day, but you can't just lie around in each other's arms forever. The next day, Kurz took me skiing again. The day after that, we drove out to Crater Lake to snow-shoe around the park and see that amazingly blue water from as many angles as possible before frost bite set in. We enjoyed our vacation like normal people, and I fell asleep under Kurz's arm every night.

Being with Kurz brought out a softness in me. It wasn't a bad thing. I felt really peaceful. Kurz commented on it when we went for a walk through Lithia Park. The temperature had gone up to 40, and the snow was melting away fast. I wanted to see as much of it as possible while it lasted.

We were on one of the back trails without another soul in sight when Kurz got entranced by my ass and tried to grab it with both hands. Dating or not, that's seriously uncool, so I did what I always do when Kurz gets out of hand. I decked him.

To my surprise, he came up laughing.

"I've been waiting for that. You let me get away with just about anything now," he said.

"Oh, give me a break," I huffed.

Kurz hopped up and pulled me against him while I tried to shake him off.

"Leave off, Weber. You can't expect to be a jerk and then kiss it better," I complained.

Kurz succeeded in pining my arms against me, so he could hold me. I went as stiff as a board to show him true feelings about the situation.

"Quit that, will you?" Kurz sighed. "I'm not being a jerk. You seem happier now. Less angry. That's a good thing, right?"

"I guess," I said with as much ice in my voice as I could summon.

"I think you're sexier when you're angry," Kurz said in a low voice. "Why do you think I spent so much time trying to get under your skin?"

I kneed him for that one, but I helped him back to the hotel and made it up to him after that. I don't think he had reason to harbor any bad feelings over it.

The week passed quickly, and I kept waiting for a moment of divine realization.

My reasoning went like this:

If I loved Kurz, then it would be worth braving the retribution of Mardukas. However, the thought of telling that hard-ass about my sex life made my throat feel like it was closing. At the same time, I never got tired of spending every minute with Kurz. I wanted his every kiss, every smile, everything. I got jealous of this ski bunny on the slopes who commented on Kurz's skill and nearly took a swing at her. I would wake up in the early morning to touch him and reassure myself that he was, in fact, there, and that I hadn't dreamed up the whole thing. Even my famous appetite mysteriously disappeared, as if I could live on good sex and affection alone.

At the end of the week, I was no closer to figuring out what the heck I was feeling than when Kurz first kissed me on Christmas Eve. Kurz must have felt my hesitation and thought that I was going to call it off because I woke up in the early hours of New Year's Eve, our last day in Ashland, alone. It was almost pathetic. I reached for Kurz out of habit and woke up when I realized that the bed was empty except for me. I wanted to cry.

I flipped on a light and found his note on my nightstand.

"_I'm sorry. I need to start think clearly. Meet me at the bar downstairs at noon. We'll decide then. - Kurz _

___P.S. Don't be mad, but I took the car_."

Even though it was still black as soot outside, I wanted a smoke, so I got dressed and headed downstairs. The lobby was deserted except for Dolores, who was working the graveyard shift again.

"What got you up so early in the morning?" she asked.

"My boyfriend just left me, and I need a cigarette," I replied glumly.

Dolores frowned. "Not that cutie that I've seen you canoodling around with? He looked like he was about ready to pop the question."

"It's complicated," I sighed.

"Can I join you?" Dolores asked and held up her pack of thin Menthols.

I told Dolores the abbreviated version of events as we smoked out front. I half-expected her to give me some motherly advice, but Dolores just shrugged.

"I'm terrible with men," she explained. "Been divorced three times. You don't want to know what I think."

I hung out with Dolores until her replacement showed up because the thought of going back to an empty room was too depressing to handle. We wasted time playing "Kill Marry Fuck". Right before her shift ended, Dolores's eyes got wide.

"I just remembered," she gasped. "Some guy came by and left something for a Melissa, no last name, and I thought it might be for you."

"I doubt it. I don't know anyone here besides you and Kurz," I said. Still, I leaned on the counter and waited for Dolores to dig out the envelope in case I had acquired a secret admirer. I would need someone to catch me on the rebound if the thing with Kurz went belly-up.

The handwriting on the flat manila envelope looked like a fifth-grader had written it on the back of the bus on the way to school. I gave up on deciphering it and let Dolores take over. She had lots of experience from reading notes scribbled by impatient guests.

"I think it says 'Melissa, Thanks for the help with Ellie.' It's signed 'Tom'," Dolores said.

"It's Ted," I said and reached for the envelope. I remembered that I had mentioned where I was staying to Ted while we talked about photography at Table Mountain.

I tore into it while Dolores put on her coat and updated her replacement, who had just come in from the cold. Cindy must have written the note inside because I could actually read that handwriting. I didn't read it all the way through, though, because I got side-tracked by the pictures.

Ted really was an excellent photographer.

There was a great shot of Kurz sliding down the mountain on an inner tube with Ellie before her accident. Another shot captured me by the fire. I was making a face at Kurz while Ellie tugged on his hand. But the photos that made me sit down down on one of those overstuffed lobby armchairs were of Kurz and me alone.

It was actually a series of shots. The first one showed us at the top of the mountain. In the second, we are running and pushing the inner tube. The next was us sliding down the slope. I remembered that feeling of speed and the inner tube spinning underneath us. Then there was a shot of us colliding with the snow drift at the bottom.

The final shot captivated me. In it, Kurz and I are sitting in the snow after the inner tube had dumped us out. White clumps of snow cover our clothes and cling to our hair. We're looking at each other and laughing. We looked so happy.

I sat in that stupid lobby staring at that photo for a long time and thought about what I wanted to do.

* * *

I showed up fifteen minutes late to my meeting with Kurz, but it wasn't on purpose. The fucking boutique was supposed to open at 11, but that shop-girl slut didn't turn up until almost a half an hour later. Even though I knew what I wanted, it still took a ridiculously long time to complete the purchase. I wanted to get ready in our hotel room, but I ended up changing in the hotel lobby's bathroom to save on time.

The unintended effect of my tardiness was that Kurz was waiting for me when I got there. He got to see the full show as I walked from the door all the way to the bar in that slutty, blue dress and those stripper, snowflake shoes.

"You know I think can't straight with you in that dress," he told me as I eased onto the bar stool next to his. "I had to run away from the shop the last time you had it on because I almost took you on the floor right then and there."

"Good. Because I don't want you to think. I want you to listen," I said. I pushed the last photo from Ted's series over to Kurz. "You see that?"

"Am I supposed to answer? I thought I was supposed to listen," Kurz said.

I punched his arm. "Just tell me what you see."

"I see us," Kurz shrugged.

"And?" I pressed.

"And we look happy. That's all I got. You and _that dress_." Kurz shook his head.

"You did great," I reassured him. "So here's the deal, Weber. I don't know if we're in love or if we have a chance of making it in the long term or whatever. I don't know any of that crap. But I know that I'm happy with you. Like stupid happy. And I think that you're pretty happy with me."

"I am," Kurz agreed.

"So can't that be enough?" I asked.

"You tell me. _That dress_. Can't think," Kurz got out.

"I'm telling you that this is your last chance to bail on me before I call Bel and tell him everything. He'll run it to Mardukas by the end of the day, and we'll be flying back to a shitstorm. So this is it. You want me or not?"

Kurz was smiling at me like his face might break. "I want you. And even if I didn't, _that dress_."

I smirked. "I took out an insurance policy in case you tried to put up a fight. I like to get what I want."

"You have no shame," Kurz sighed.

"You love it," I grinned.

"Quite possibly, yes," Kurz grinned back before he kissed me.

* * *

In the end, Mardukas didn't flip out that much. Apparently, everyone thought that Kurz and I were hot and heavy long before Ashland. Go figure.

I got shifted back to electronic warfare full-time, but Kurz stayed on the Urzu team. I only put on my AS suit in dire emergencies now, but I don't mind at all because I'm too busy being happy with Kurz. It took me a few months to admit it, but I love that idiot.

You know how I know that I love him? Because when we're together and he gets that stupid-happy look on his face, I know in my heart that I would do anything, absolutely _anything_, to keep him smiling that way.

You know how I know that he loves me? Because no matter how cold my hands are (and I swear to God that I must have the worst circulation in the whole world), he never complains when I touch him. Never. And I touch him an awful lot.


End file.
